Bad Girls of Disney shorts
by Offcentercompass
Summary: Disney Villain one shot stories, with comic elements, rated T for bad language and few implied innuendos. Cross over but each story is in a different area so just marked as Disney. Enjoy!
1. The Tavern

Hi and welcome to a collection of short Disney based crossover stories, that I have put together for my lovely girlfriend Cheryl's birthday. Of course anyone else is welcome to read them too!

She is into X-files, Harry Potter, Family Guy and of course loves the Disney Villains, so these are all shorts about the Bad Girls.

They are for fun and stand alone, I own none of the characters, just borrowing. I hope to entertain and if you enjoy reading them feel free to leave a comment and review.

This wasn't meant to be the first story, but due to a corrupt file and a lack of time, it will have to do. Maybe by Valentine's day I might have fixed things and uploaded a few more one shots.

Have fun and on with the show.

* * *

Ursula slithered down the cobbled street, she hated being out of the water. The water supported her rather large frame, without it her body protested at carrying the excessive blubberous mass and the muscular tentacles moved more slowly in the air than the liquid so she shuffled along painfully rather than gliding across the ocean floor.

She sighed, seeing the yellow light spilling through the dirty glass window of the drinking establishment. She was nearly there, only a few hundred yards for her body to manage before she could sit down in a chair and with a drink.

The Cavern Tavern, dirty, dark, serving only just passable alcohol. But they were welcome there, so this was where they agreed to meet on two out of the three times a year they gathered together. She had to smile, it really was a twisted version of a social life. Her two oldest friends, Maleficent and The Queen. TQ as they, possibly her only friends, referred to her.

And Ursula smirked at the near argument they had had about what to call her. She refused to tell them her Christian name, the one given to her by her family, the one she had been given as a baby.

They toyed with calling her The Evil Queen, as most of her kingdom referred to her, but she took objection to that as well. Something about people not understanding her and that she wasn't "Evil", just misunderstood.

She then elaborated that when she had married the king she had been given a royal and regal name, her actual name not having the right ring to it. It was the custom that Queens were called Mary, Katherine, Elizabeth or Anne. She had despised her royal name almost as much as her name given by her mother.

It had been her husband's choice and it had made her feel unworthy in her pasted endeavors. This new name, it eclipsed the past, and any accomplishments she had. And it was made clear that she needed to embrace her new name as a fresh start, as a wife and mother, and nothing else. The renaming seemed to be the death of her dreams and any individuality and the seed of her hatred was sown and slowly began to grow.

But now, it had been so long that no-one remembered her given name and hardly anyone even remembered her royal name. All her two friends knew was that she hated them both.

Her name reminded her of her poor upbringing and her mother shouting for her to come and help around the hovel they called home. The only other person who used her Christian name would have been her husband and both women knew that hadn't been a happy marriage. It had been a power play where their friend had done what was required to be a good wife, one above suspicion, waiting for the opportunity when he died. She didn't want to be reminded of him either.

So now it was her choice, she asked for everyone to call her The Queen. Her courtiers and castle staff did so out of fear. Her two friends couldn't be swayed by fear so when she had first told her friends they had laughed and told her she had delusions of grandeur.

She had snapped back that unlike her two companions she was royalty and had "a sense of propriety and decorum and that The Queen was her correct title." She had added with a glint in her eye that to "refer to me as anything else would be treasonous."

The other two were going to continue to mock her and suggest several more suitable names like Old Hag or Bad Apple when she opened up rather surprising and told them in more detail the tale of her upbringing and marriage and how being labelled with a name bothered her almost as much as the brat child Snow White.

The other two women were ultimately sympathetic. They both knew how hard it could be as a clever woman who had ambition, possessed skills with money or magic, and who was then forced into behaving as a man or society expected. They had also been marginalized, shunned and rejected because they didn't fit the norm.

So they agreed to calling her TQ, the compromise showing the growing bond of friendship developing between them.

Ursula's smile widened thinking of her evening. If nothing else, her two friends were feisty and independent and once she got off her aching tentacles she hoped she would enjoy their evening of drinking together.

She pushed open the door, it was hanging badly on one hinge and squealed horribly announcing her arrival. She shook her head as almost every eye turned to watch her enter the building. It was night outside, but it was so dark inside the large, low ceilinged room that her eyes didn't need much time to adjust. She knew her friends would be in the back, but she sought them out just to make sure.

They were sitting at the largest table against the back wall so she began to cross the room. The chairs might be wooden and uncomfortable but she looked longing at the only left vacant for her, her limbs protesting with every movement at carrying her much further.

She was glad the next meeting was her turn to host and that she would be able to stay under the sea, not having to subject her rather bulbous body to leaving its natural environment.

Due to her size she travelled slowly to the back of the bar, pushing past people and tables and receiving dour and dirty looks from anyone she shooed out of her way. Dirty looks was all she got though, everyone knew the hierarchy here and moved for her, she was, after all, powerful and notorious and deserving of what limited respect anyone in the tavern was capable of showing.

She slumped into the empty chair and greeted her companions, "Ladies."

"Evening." TQ tipped her glass towards her in a toasting gesture.

Maleficent poured her a glass of whiskey from an old and label-less bottle that was resting on the table. "Cheers!" She said as she slide her glass over the table and clinked their glasses together.

Ursula reached out a pudgy hand and grasped her tumbler and downed the fire water. Whiskey, she decided, was worth a visit to the land every now and then as it burned her throat and filled her stomach and made her eyes water just a little.

"They still have a few bottles of the good stuff then." She remarked as she refilled her glass and sipped more leisurely at the second serving.

"Yes even holes like this one have their charms." The horned dragon lady commented.

TQ smirked into her drink and said nothing, she didn't need to, they all knew this wasn't where they should be meeting. They were all destined for so much more and soon they would be dinning in castles, drinking fine wines and not skulking round old and drab taverns like three outcast despots.

TQ even had a castle, but the mood of her people was hanging by a thread, rumors of magical and dark deeds surrounded the woman. Having Maleficent and Ursula arrive at the castle might push things just too far, and give the people the courage to openly call her "Witch" and start an uprising.

The bar, despite being grubby and old fashioned was the safer course of action, for the time being at least.

Ursula looked round and noticed most people were ignoring them, only the bar tender gingerly looked their way occasionally, probably making sure magic wasn't sparking dangerously from the trio. She tried to catch his eye to get him to bring her over a bar snack, but he seemed to be polishing the bar quite intently.

"Why won't he look at me?!" She huffed. "I don't have the energy to get up and go to the bar."

"You aren't exactly the body beautiful." TQ bluntly stated, looking at the rolls of skin that sat round the woman. "Plus the mortals in here, they are scared, you can feel it in the air. They want to give us a wide berth." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Very little did these days.

Some people would have taken offence at the honest way The Queen summed up Ursula's appearance, but blunt honesty was one of the main things the women had holding them together. They all hated pathetic men with power complexes and narrow minded views too. They disliked the world that shunned them and bonded over planning its downfall, all the while swapping magical spells and artifacts between each other.

They all knew that if they asked an opinion or advice from the group, they would get the truth, however unpalatable that might be. An honest assessment of their chances of success, risks pointed out and flaws highlighted. In its own way it was refreshing.

It helped that none of them were scared of the other, they knew they were a magical match and that to fight each other would be a waste of energy and time.

They had an uneasy truce which lead to forming bonds that over time had begun to resemble friendship and trust. It had been many years since they had seriously argued, or thought to harm each other, steal a potion or invade each other's lands. For years they had been a trio, a light in the darkness for each other.

So instead of getting angry and throwing magic around Ursula just shrugged and responded, "You like me being your overweight friend. When we are in a group like this I make you two look good. You feel more slim and attractive. It is a universal truth, all women have a fat friend that they compare themselves to, it boosts their confidence."

Maleficent and TQ shared a look, they weren't going to deny it, and they did both look good compared to their overweight friend.

"I do sometimes wish I had a better figure," Ursula commented, "but I struggle with self-control and enjoy life too much to limit myself. And right now, I'm hungry!"

Ursula's stomach growled loudly as she shifted in the uncomfortable chair and her two companions looked at her pointedly.

"I've got an apple you could eat." TQ said with a wicked smirk. Ursula just quirked her eyebrow and muttered out, "Really?" Whether it was because of TQ's history with apples or because she was being offered fruit which she loathed almost as much as vegetables was unclear.

Maleficent shook her head at the two witches goading each other and then took pity on the larger woman and went to the bar. The bartender scurried around for her, shaking visibly as he passed over a large packet of chips. The horned woman thanked him but he had already lowered his head and was frantically polishing an already clean area of the bar, avoiding any further eye contact.

The slim woman dropped the packet in front of Ursula and retook her seat.

"What flavor?" The Sea-Witch asked as she ripped into the foil.

"Smoked Sinner." Maleficent answered.

"Ugh!" Ursula said on an exhale. "So basically smoky bacon with a fancy name and black packet! Was there another choice?"

"Devilled Delinquents." Maleficent told her, "Apparently a hint of youth roasted succulently, at least that is how the bartender was trying to sell them to me. Probably bbq beef by another name to be honest."

Ursula scrunched up her face, disgust clearly painted on her features.

Maleficent just smirked at her friend's obvious displeasure. She then asked, "What food would you rather have?"

"A nice jellied electric eel or pan fried mer-tail! Something fresh and untainted from the bountiful sea as this establishment is a coastal bar. The food from the land is always smothered in some foul sauce or accompaniment. Even flounder fish or seagull would be more substantial than this."

"It is a cheap tavern Ursula My Dear." TQ said. "Smoked Sinner chips is more sophisticated than I expected. Last time I was here they offered me pickled eyeballs or crispy skin strips. And they couldn't even tell me skin of what!"

Ursula made an unintelligible noise indicating she wasn't happy but stuffed some chips into her mouth and swallowed without making any more fuss.

They fell back into easy conversation, Maleficent picking up where they had left off, in an attempt to smooth the larger woman's feelings. She told her, "You aren't just our fat friend. We value your opinion and advice. And you aren't the worst looking in here tonight. You have no reason to feel self-conscious."

Ursula did a quick scan over the room as Maleficent pointed out the three older women sitting together in a huddle.

"You are far more attractive than The Fates."

"Hardly difficult!" Ursula shot back. "Three blind women who are almost as old as time itself. I have youth and the ability to see myself in a mirror on my side."

TQ made a strangled noise at the mention of Youth and Ursula in the same sentence but kept her mouth shut round the sarcastic comment she wanted to spill out.

The larger woman just glared, clearly not needing a vocal utterance to know what her friend was thinking.

The horned woman again stepped in, "Well Death is here tonight." She indicated the cloaked figure sitting drinking a pint of warm and flat beer. As three sets of eyes landed on him he picked up a spider that was crawling across the table and popped it into his dark and hooded recess. They assumed he had eaten it, but no-one wanted to look too closely into the dark emptiness of his cloak. Quickly they averted their eyes, all three knowing it didn't end well if you let your gaze linger too long on Death.

"But Death is thought of as a man. You know men don't have the same social pressures we do as women." Ursula moaned.

"Are you happy with yourself?" Maleficent tried again.

"Under the sea, of course." And Ursula smiled, loving her dark corner of the ocean, the way the water caressed her body and the chilling coldness sat on her skin. Her skin looked sallow and lumpy on the land, under the water it became sleek and glossy. When the water surrounded her large frame she was transformed into a formidable mass of muscle, her tentacles giving her fantastic reach and suction if needed.

The water was her world, one that reflected her personality, dark, cold, dangerous. It gave her endless entertainment with stupid fish and naive young merfolk to manipulate. She had the coast and boatyards to enchant sailors and vary her environment when she grew bored of her cavern. Yes she was happy.

"Then that's all that matters." The slim witch nodded her head.

"You seem to be full of psychobabble tonight." Ursula remarked.

"Since everyone has fallen into a deep sleep, I seem to have quite a lot of time on my hands." Maleficent responded. "I have taken to reading."

TQ rolled her eyes and laughed at her friend. "Really? You are reading?"

"I can read." The horned woman stroppily bit back.

"I know that, you are a fine witch and most spells are written in books, so obviously you read. I just thought being the free spirit you are you'd be spending more time in Dragon form flying and enjoying the natural world." TQ commented.

"I spent weeks doing that, but it gets boring quite quickly when you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Now I read and my latest book has been on the psychology of the soul."

"I wouldn't know about doing what you want, when you want." TQ lamented, "That blasted wench Snow White managed to foil my sleeping curse and is now opposing my reign. I never seem to get to do what I want."

"Poor you." Ursula's voice dripped sarcasm.

"It is poor me actually." TQ shot back. "I had the most horrific shock last week." And she downed the whiskey in her glass and pulled her cloak tighter round herself as she shuddered remembering.

That of course piqued Ursula's interest. "What was so horrific then?"

Sighing TQ looked her friend in the eye, noticing Maleficent had also put her drink down to listen closely.

"I asked the mirror to show me Snow." Her grip on the empty glass was tight, her hand going white from the pressure.

"I was expecting to see her asleep in her glass coffin, as I had planned. She wasn't."

The other two women were leaning in, knowing there was more.

"The mirror showed me the stupid young girl fornicating with her Prince, both so happy and young. The mirror managed to catch the moment she fell over into blissful release, so I was forced to watch her revel in her pleasure. It made me feel sick." She rubbed a hand down her face to try and scrub away the image.

Her friends were struggling not to laugh, Ursula's full and voluptuous lips were quirking into a smile and Maleficent was studying the table rather intently, a telltale shake to her shoulders.

"That wasn't the worst of it." The Queen continued. "I was angry beyond belief, not only had they broken my curse but she had found love. That spoilt, obnoxious, undeserving and naive girl seems to have an endless supply of luck. Every door opens to her, she has never had to work hard at anything. Her father and the kingdom loved her, supported her, and now she has True Love with a Prince to add to that list."

The agitated woman grasped the bottle and poured herself some more liquor and gulped a mouthful. "I snapped at the mirror, telling him I had seen enough. That smug and conceited bastard" She licked her lips, "told me I seemed stressed. He then offered up an explanation for that saying that maybe he ought to show me more fornicating couples so I could see to my unresolved need. He implied I was sexually frustrated!"

Her two companions gave up struggling with their laughter at this, Ursula's rather large frame was jiggling with mirth and Maleficent lifted her head to reveal tears glistening in her eyes as they let out the laughter they had been straining to keep in.

"It isn't funny!" TQ stormed.

"But is it true?" Maleficent asked from behind her smirk.

"Of course it isn't!" The affronted woman cried out.

"Well something has got you all riled up." Maleficent fired back.

"It was the smug way the damned mirror said it. Like he enjoyed showing me she was awake, that she was happy and had beaten my curse. It was like he was goading me!"

"I remember that mirror, Baba Yaga enchanted it and the man inside it." Maleficent mentioned. "He can only show you or tell you the truth. So maybe there is something to his observation after all My Friend?"

She was needling and all three women round the table knew it. TQ just glowered at the woman opposite her.

Maleficent wasn't giving up though, "You said you felt sick. Maybe that was jealousy or envy at seeing her with a young and virile stallion of a Prince between her legs and bringing her pleasure?" The dragon was all teeth as she smiled at her friend's obvious discomfort.

"That has nothing to do with it!" Indignation colored her face and the tone of her words.

Ursula had sat back and was watching the exchange between her two friends. Now her stomach had been satisfied a smug smile graced her rounded face. She liked an animated conversation as long as she wasn't the one being baited and teased.

The silence span out for a few minutes, the women studying each other after the heated exchange.

TQ finally gritted out from between her clenched teeth, "We are not doing this." The cloaked woman then downed her drink and looked away.

She muttered, "I thought that at least you two would understand." And she hung her head as she tried to order her thoughts, unable to see why this amused the other women at the table so much.

"I am not discussing my sex life with you two." She finally huffed out.

"So there is a sex life?" Maleficent probed, jumping straight back on the band wagon.

The Queen banged her head on the wood of the table, a frustrated breath coming from between her lips. She had been caught, either answer would re-start a conversation she didn't want to have.

"No, there isn't." She mumbled.

"So the mirror could be right." The horned woman summed up.

"No the mirror is not right! I worked hard to get myself into the castle and married to the King. I put up with his pawing at me, I played mother to the child. I sat by his side and lied through my teeth about his intelligence, his kindness and fairness as a ruler and about my love of him. I will not let that be in vain and allow his undeserving heir to take it all from me! That is why I am stressed and angry."

With a wave of her hand there was a loud thump on the table and Maleficent produced the psychology book she had recently been reading.

"This might help with your issues." She offered with a wolfish smile.

"I am not reading that!"

"Maybe I should have magicked a sex toy instead?" If it was possible Maleficent's grin grew bigger.

"Oh shut up!" TQ reached over the table and grabbed the book, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

The horned woman wasn't giving up though.

"Have you thought that maybe you might be happier and more relaxed if you weren't full of anger and bitterness?"

"Jesus that book has a lot to answer for." TQ muttered.

"I am just saying it is hard to be happy when your heart is full of hatred." Maleficent tried again to reason with her friend.

"My heart isn't full of hatred. Bitterness, yes, because all I ever wanted was for life to be fair. How is it she has had every opportunity, never had to fight for anything. Snow White has grown up thinking the world is full of unicorns, rainbows, wishes that come true. She thinks everyone is beautiful, honest and that love and kisses will make everything all right in the end. She is so deluded but life never seems to correct her. I don't understand why she is special or so lucky. How is that fair?"

"So you are saying this is about revenge and punishment?" The dragon lady asked. "About teaching her a life lesson?"

"Yes I suppose it is." TQ nodded as she mulled it over. "But don't you think lecturing me about that is a little hypocritical?" TQ smiled as she felt the conversation finally moving away from her problems and she got a chance to shine the spot-light on her horned friend.

"I don't know what you mean." Maleficent argued.

"Oh please, there is a whole land asleep because you wanted revenge." And there was the blunt honesty they always shared.

Maleficent answered, "I have history with her father."

"So you are punishing him then?" TQ fired back.

Ursula hadn't said a word in several minutes, but her head kept swinging between the two waring women. She knew neither of them would seriously lose their tempers, but this what they did, they provoked and probed at each other's motives and it made them feel alive.

Maleficent stopped to take a breath and calm things, she had to admit to herself there was the strong smell of hypocrite surrounding her. So a silence hung between the three ladies while they digested things.

Ursula was the first to break it, trying to take the topic away from the arguing women.

"I think I'm more of an opportunist than dealing out revenge." She smiled wide at her companions.

"Really?" twin echoes of incredulity from across the table.

"Yes, I don't search out pets, they come willingly to me. I offer a service. A trade."

"But you always stack the deck." The Queen said.

"Well yes, otherwise it wouldn't be fun." The larger woman added with a wink.

They all laughed at that, because there was nothing else to say. They liked to win, they were competitive. They enjoyed playing games and also perversifying the rules, twisting words and meanings. It was what they were good at and there was no point denying their true nature's when they were with each other.

After the laughter died away and a refill of drinks Ursula produced a deck of cards. Where on her skin tight wardrobe she had secreted them no-one wanted to ask.

"Texas hold 'em?" She asked and the other two nodded.

Ursula dealt the cards, the two hole cards each which they only bet a coin a piece on and then the five central cards. As each card was turned over each woman was only staking a single coin, weary of the other two she was playing and not willing to bet big.

They had agreed to play without cheating, but all three women could feel the magic brewing in the air between them. None of the women even moved when the five middle cards turned out to be a royal flush of ten through to the ace of diamonds.

"Really?" TQ asked of Ursula, who just shrugged nonchalantly.

"I think this is a bad idea." Maleficent indicated the cards before them and Ursula sighed and gathered the cards back in to shuffle and deal them over.

"Fine" She huffed, "Five card draw then, we work with what we are dealt."

She passed out five cards to each of them and then raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Full house, Kings and Aces." TQ said, laying her cards down.

"Four of a kind." Maleficent laid down her four aces, TQ and Ursula rolling their eyes, as suddenly the pack of cards had seven aces in it.

"Honestly Maleficent." TQ said, "If you are going to cheat at least make it realistic."

"You're just upset my hand beats yours." Maleficent shot back.

"Only on the surface." TQ commented and she passed her hand over the cards and the glamour fell away revealing a pair of twos and some other worthless cards.

"Oh dear." Ursula smiled as she laid down her cards, four Kings and a joker. "Five of a kind. And no glamour."

"But still cheating." Maleficent looked rather pointedly at the larger woman. "I could feel you manipulating the cards as you dealt them."

Ursula looked at her two friends and shrugged, "We all cheated, it seems we are incapable of playing fairly."

TQ nodded, admitting her guilt. No-one had reached over to claim the money as a winner at least.

"Maybe that is why we can never win at life?" Maleficent mused. "Cheaters never prosper and only heroes win and all that moral, mortal nonsense they drone on about."

Ursula rolled her eyes at more "psychobabble" spilling from her friend's lips.

"But you are winning." TQ said, "Both of you. Ursula has her empire where she always profits from a deal, her exchanges benefit her and her collection of _personal keepsakes_ grow. She even admitted she is happy earlier."

TQ shook her head, "And you have the whole land sleeping, none of them will bother you again. You have what you wanted, what you aimed for. It is only my sleeping curse that has been broken, only myself who is still waiting for some justice from life."

She sipped thoughtfully and then added, "In all likelihood Snow White and her Prince will come for her kingdom and then for my head. They will command the people to oppose my rule and take back the thrown with force. I am certainly not winning."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Ursula queried. "It sounds like you are ready to give up."

"No, not give up." TQ admitted. "But I need a fresh approach. Any ideas ladies?"

"Get laid?" Ursula suggested.

"How will that help?" TQ looked incredulously at the Sea Witch.

"Once satisfied your creative juices might start to flow again, as well at other juices." The woman licked her lips salaciously, grinning brightly.

"Oh do shut up Ursula." The Queen snapped.

Maleficent stared thoughtfully before adding, "It might not be the worst idea, something is obviously bothering you and blocking your creativity. If it isn't sexual frustration, what is it?"

"I don't know – I have no idea why I can't see a solution." TQ sighed in exasperation.

"May I suggest it is anger that is blinding you?" Maleficent reached out for her friend's hand. "Maybe you need to face that and deal with it. Please, read the book."

"Oh my God, give it a rest about that damned book!" both women chorused.

Maleficent pulled her hand back like she had been burnt. "Fine." she huffed.

"Look I appreciate your input and suggestions, but maybe Snow White is my problem, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up."

Silence descended as the three women mulled things over. After a few moments Maleficent suddenly brightened and lifted her head.

"What?" Ursula asked.

"You keep thinking Snow White is the problem."

"Yes, obviously. She has the power to de-thrown me." TQ agreed.

"Maybe you are the problem." The horned woman said.

"That's a bit harsh." Ursula commented as magic sparked from TQ's hands as she visibly bristled with anger at the horned woman's summation.

"No, let me explain." Maleficent then carried on speaking to detail, "Will punishing Snow White and her Prince make you happy?"

"Yes." The reply was solid. And magic still sparked from The Queen's hands but it was waning.

"But how can your happiness rely on someone else? We are powerful women, our happy endings shouldn't be in the hands of others. We are in control of our own destiny, and it should be you that dictates your happy ending. So I'll ask you again, where does your happy ending lie?"

Ursula was nodding at this. "Punishing Snow White, that will be fleeting happiness. What else do you want than her suffering, you can't be so short sighted that that is your only goal in life."

TQ extinguished her magic, thinking about this. She knew what she wanted, she had tried money and power and both had left her feeling empty. She wanted real love, a chance at happiness, a fair shot in a world where her intelligence and hard work were recognized and rewarded despite her being a woman. She wanted more than she was ever going to get in this land.

The other women saw the light of realization dawn in her eyes, saw the idea take form and a real smile spread slowly across her features.

"A fresh start." She whispered.

"Then let us help you with that." Ursula grinned back at her friend as Maleficent nodded. They raised their glasses and toasted to that, enjoying the rest of their evening filled with throat burning booze, trivial banter and more bad tasting potato chips.

* * *

Some of you might think I stole Once's idea here, but if I get round to uploading a later chapter you'll see I have a greater idea at work. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed it. All the best.


	2. Family Guy Under The Sea

2nd Chapter - Family Guy cross over.

Best wishes and thanks for taking the time to read my work.

* * *

"What rubbish is this woman?" Stewie cried as he was placed like a prisoner in his high chair and sat in front of the TV.

"Now Stewie, sit quietly and watch The Little Mermaid while Mommy makes some dinner for your father, he's had a hard day at work." Lois kissed his rather oval head and disappeared into the kitchen as her youngest child cursed about the "Useless Fat Man."

"Oh another carton that thinks it's a musical!" he gripped as the stupid young Ariel started to sing about her hard life under the sea and wanting more from it.

"Brian! Brian!" He called and watched his friend come padding over. "Why do I have to watch this drivel? Honestly, the songs are syrupy sweet and need a shot of realism."

"Stewie this is a classic. Disney at its best, entertainment for kids and adults alike." Brian tried to explain.

"Cartoons aren't for adults, what kind of imbecile want to watch animated people run around?" Stewie queried. "I suppose the Fat Man might be amused by the bright colours. And Chris, he'd could get infatuated with the mermaid's insipid sisters. Ok maybe cartoons can be for adults, but not for me, I'm much too sophisticated to be fooled into believing in this underwater world."

Brian just shrugged and made a non-committal noise, he had been witness to the Jolly Farm conversion after all.

The youngster pouted and sat dejectedly in his high chair, watching the world under the sea spin by. Suddenly he perked up as the screen became dark and an air of foreboding was set with the music and shadowy animation. It was then that a fat and unappealing woman slide into frame.

With her low voice, wide grin and eyes that danced with gleeful mischief Stewie immediately recognised a kindred spirit, one who craved power and had a devious streak running right the way through her.

"Now her I like." He said, sitting up straight in his chair. "She has style, look at the entrance to her cavern."

As she sang he stared with wide eyes trying to catalogue everything in her cave that she had collected from the "Poor, Unfortunate Souls" she had "helped" in her lifetime.

By the end of the film Stewie had managed to mention Ursula the Sea-Witch at least 50 times and Brian was getting a little frustrated.

"She is so devious and twisted" Stewie said. "And she has magic, dark and powerful magic" he added. Brian just nodded, as the little man spouted about his latest crush. "I'd love to meet her and do a deal Brian, do you think that is possible?"

"I doubt it Stewie, even if she exists she is in another plane of reality." The dog explained.

"So what? Roger from _American Dad!_ turned up here on Spooner Street. Cartoons can cross over sometimes." He argued.

"Yeah." Brian agreed, "Although I think you turning up in a Disney film might breach all different kinds of copyright."

"I am a genius, I don't care about such trivial things." The young man stated. "I think I can adapt the time machine and the transportation pad to jump universes with a few simple modifications."

Brian looked horrified but knew once the child had set his mind on something nothing would sway him. And he was intrigued to see if this could actually work. So he went back to reading the paper, pining over Lois and rolling his eyes at Peter when he said something stupid.

* * *

Stewie came down a few days later and announced he was ready to embark on his journey to meet "The most wonderful fat person." So they packed a few accessories, including diving equipment for the trip under the waves.

"God these are heavy"" Brian moaned as he tried to stand upright with two canisters of air strapped to his back, a rubber wet suit on and flippers on his feet.

"Would you rather drown?" Stewie asked him to which he shook his head and muttered, "Let's get on with it."

They stood in the booth and the time machine beeped a few times, there was a whirring noise and then they were enveloped in bright light and they disappeared from the Griffin House.

They landed in a grassy meadow and immediately knew this wasn't the right place.

"Damn it!" Stewie swore, "I need to refine the quantum toggle. This isn't right."

Brian just rolled his eyes before saying, "Do you know where we are?"

Stewie looked round, seeing a lush plain over flowing with vegetation and some Diplodocus reaching up to eat leaves from the surrounding trees. There was an infant triceratops playing with a long necked Apatosaurus and Stewie quickly realised where they were.

"The land before time." He breathed out, looking in awe at the many different dinosaurs he could see. "This is just before the….oh SHIT!" he screamed as he suddenly realised where in the film they were.

Brian looked at Stewie who was suddenly thrust into shadow and slowly lifted his eyes to see what had blocked the sun. He stopped breathing for just a moment as Stewie's paralysis broke and he started to frantically try and run away screaming "Sharp Tooth, Sharp Tooth!" as he went.

Unfortunately the canisters on his back weighed him down and he fell over the flippers he had on his feet. Soon both he and Brian had fallen over and were rolling down the hill, Stewie struggling desperately to get the time pad out and charged enough to allow them to jump away from the gnashing teeth that were snapping at them. Just as they thought they were done for and the fetid breath of the Tyrannosaurus washed over them they disappeared in a flash of light and huge sighs of relief.

They landed face down in a puddle and quickly scrambled upright.

"Where are we now?" Brian was exasperated.

"I was rushed and over toggled it." Was Stewie's reply.

Just then they both felt swords pressed against their necks.

"Gandalf, what are they? They are too small for dwarves, even too small for hobbits. Are they pixies or some other magical sprite to have just appeared out of thin air?"

The wizard bent at the waist and peered at the two additions that had seemingly breached the defences of the City of Gondor. An old and rough face, capped with a white pointed hat and long beard studied the two petrified newcomers.

"I see no evil in their eyes." He finally said straightening up.

"I am plenty evil!" Stewie muttered as Brian elbowed him in the ribs to be quiet. Now was not the time to push their luck.

The old wizard smiled at them before meeting his companions' eyes and telling them, "Release them."

The swords were removed as Brian stepped forward stating, "Thank you Sir." He extended his hand out in the universal greeting of welcome and was about to shake hands with the wizard when he heard the young man behind him muttering some more about stupid dogs before he was pulled back and they disappeared in another flash of light.

After another failed jump, but at least this time it was into a Disney film Stewie finally admitted, "I know what keeps going wrong. I should be able to get it right next time."

"I hope so!" Brian was tired already, he had been nearly eaten, had been lugging diving equipment around while looking like some rubber clad sex toy and he was close to losing his temper. This should have been a quick trip and was turning into the day from hell.

He looked round the town of Agrabah where they definitely didn't fit in and everyone was pointing and whispering at them.

"Hurry up Stewie, I don't think it will be long before the Royal Guards show up."

"Just one more turn." Stewie twirled the screw driver and grasped Brian's paw. "Ready?" he said as he pressed the button for what Brian hoped was the last jump before going home.

They were suddenly immersed in water, cold and dark and Brian was glad they were holding hands. They fumbled with the mouth pieces and took shuddering breaths of air until their heart rates had calmed and they got used to the environment they had realm jumped into. They squeezed hands before separating enough so they could start to kick their way through the water, heading in tandem to the bottom of the ocean.

As they neared the cavern Ursula's voice rumbled over them, welcoming them to her corner of the ocean she called home.

"A dog and a baby, strangely not my most unusual visitors." The witch quipped.

She allowed them to settle, sitting on a rocky outcropping before she drained the cavern of water so her guests could breathe and talk freely.

"Really?" Stewie took out his mouth piece and asked about her previous comment. He was mesmerised by the woman but also intrigued what other visitors she had had.

"Yes well." Ursula pursed her lips. "How do you think Trump managed to win Florida and Ohio in the election?"

Brian's eyes nearly goggled outside his head, Stewie nodded thoughtfully in acceptance of this woman's clear power. That comment definitely explained a lot.

"No-one comes here unless they want something." The larger woman crooned at her guests, "So what can I do for you?"

"Straight down to business, I like that approach." Stewie knew he had to appear confident, the woman towered over him but he held his head up straight and looked her in the eye. He hoped the compliment he had given her would softer her to them, but he still knew what she was. She was a monster of the deep, like a shark, dangerous with teeth that could be turned on him in an instant if she became disinterested in them.

"For a baby you are quite the charmer." She grinned at them, all full red lips and large teeth and Brian shivered next to him.

"I came to ask the price of assisting me as needed with my plan for world domination." The young man said with a firm voice.

"Well that is a very broad request and could be quite costly. Although as I implied previously, I do have considerable skills at manipulating circumstances and the land dwellers if the price is right."

"I just want to enter into initial negotiations and make sure you are on my side when the time comes." Stewie clarified. "I have come across nothing I can't deal with myself as yet. But that may change in the future."

"Ah, quite the forward thinker then my little friend." The woman winked at him.

"So how much to buy your skills as a consultant in this, the early stages of my plan?"

"One soul." The witch told him. Her eyes were alight with the promise of a deal insight.

"But not my soul." Stewie commented. "Interesting." He mused as he rubbed over his chin.

"The deal would have to be signed, my scrolls are binding." The woman told him.

"I have the signature here." Stewie rustled round under the wet suit inside his diaper and pulled out a neatly folded sheet of paper. As he unfurled it Brian recognised it as a similar document as the one Ariel signs in The Little Mermaid. At the bottom he sucked in a breath as he saw _Peter Griffin_ scrawled across it.

"I hope you don't mind, I had to provide my own stationary, a slight hiccup in inter-animation travel." Stewie said watching the Sea-Witch carefully. He had taken a chance with this and hoped she was so enthralled with a new soul to add to her collection she allowed this slight deviation from the normal practice.

He continued, "But it has the same clauses as your own do, and is signed."

The dog violently shook his head, "Stewie you can't do that, how did you even get that?" He asked.

"The Fat Man will do anything drunk." The baby shrugged. "He'll sign anything I ask him, even this." And he waved the paper until Brian took it from him and studied the terms.

"Oh My God!" The poor animal was still in shock as Ursula leaned over him and plucked the paper from his paw.

"Well everything does seem in order here." She said, as her beady and busy eyes scanned the document. "We have reached a deal young man, well done."

"Thank you." Stewie stood up. "You'll understand we can't stay."

The Sea-Witch nodded at him, placing the scroll in her potion cabinet for safe keeping. She then bent done to shake hands.

Stewie had to pull Brian out of his daze and onto the transportation pad. He tapped the button with his foot and lifted his hand in a wave of farewell to the large woman. The darkness of the cavern filled with bright light momentarily before they both disappeared.

They landed back in the front room of the Griffin residence and both stripped out of their diving gear and collapsed back onto the couch. The TV was playing something but neither of them looked at it.

Brian laid back and closed his eyes, close to exhaustion while Stewie smoothed his hair back and blew out a breath.

"Some trip." The baby eventually commented.

"Stewie how can you have offered Ursula Peter's soul?" Brian opened his eyes and looked at the youngster while he reprimanded the boy.

"Oh come on Brian, do you think I am that stupid?" Stewie rolled his eyes. "Ursula is a few days away from Ariel coming to visit her, I made sure of the timing and calculations when I made the last adjustments to the time pad. She will forget all about our deal as she become absorbed in thwarting the young mermaid's plans. And even if she doesn't forget, she'll soon be dead, killed by Prince Eric in the epic battle that ensues. She won't be around to fulfil her part or collect on our debt."

"So it was a pointless trip?" The dog couldn't believe they had gone through all that for nothing.

"No, I got to meet her. Wasn't she stunning? I mean, compared to Lois and Meg she just oozed power and extravagance. Just being in her presence was worth the effort of re-configuring the time machine. It is just a shame she is fated to die." And he pouted his displeasure.

"I hope you are right." Brian said. "Peter's soul rests on it."

"Of course I am." Stewie reasoned.

At that minute they heard a noise from upstairs, it was Peter in the shower.

"Ba Ba Ba Ba, Bird's the word…Ba Ba, Bird's the word, Everybody's heard about the Bird, Bird, Bird Ba ba ba…bird, bird, bird's the word…."

Brian covered his ears and looked at Stewie who had an equally pain expression on his face.

Cringing the dog muttered, "Ok, even if you are wrong, maybe Peter deserves it."


	3. X-File Night-time Encounter

Sorry the last chapter was short, this one is a bit longer again.

X-Files with Disney cross-over. Set after Season 9, closer to Season 10 start.

Please leave feedback if you enjoy.

* * *

Dana leaned back and stretched in the car seat. She wound down the window and breathed in deeply, the cool air filling the car and her lungs. It was crisp and the smell of evergreen hung on it reminding her they were in the forest. It helped wake her tired mind and shifting eased her cramped muscles.

She had been sitting for a few hours and knew they were close to the hotel and she was glad. Her legs and back were stiff and she rolled her shoulders before settling back into the car's upholstered seat.

She had been watching as the car moved through the changing landscape. The trees had initially been sparse, but now they were in thick forest, the greens deep and a dark canopy overhead.

The road had begun to slowly rise in a series of switch backs and at each turn in the road when there was a break in the trees she could see clear blue sky, the white clouds sitting suspended looked beautifully simple. The sunlight that occasionally filtered through the trees was bright and dazzling for a few moments before they were back under the leafy foliage.

When the trees fell away for that moment she was treated to a stunning view. Stretching out below them the sun glittered like gold on the surface of the lake, the shoreline quickly rising into flashes of grey and white rock of the mountainside. She glanced over and watched Fox smile at the natural beauty on display. She smiled too, this was going to be a lovely trip, secluded and tucked away in a lakeside cabin retreat.

"Nearly there." Fox said from beside her. And he was Fox and not Mulder today. He was in a sports jersey and jeans, stubble peppering his chin and he was relaxed as he drove the car. Usually as Mulder the FBI agent he buzzed with nervous energy, the inquisitive part inside him always hopeful that they would find something in the case that confirmed his theory about aliens or provided answers that were still illusive to him. Today he was much calmer, he was excited but it was delightful to Dana seeing him happy but not expectant. There was no weight on his shoulders and his boyish smile was charming.

Now they were heading out on a vacation, a retreat away from the hustle and bustle of Dana's city life, from her stressful job as surgeon in the hospital. And a break from the lonely corn fields and isolation Fox had taken upon himself while he thought through the changes that had happened in his life over the last nearly twenty years. While he searched for answers and acceptance and the space to heal from the stresses the X-Files had put him through.

The auburn haired woman sighed contentedly. They were friends, and if she was honest there was no-one else she would want with her on this vacation. She trusted him, confided in him, felt safe with him. They were going to enjoy the picturesque landscape and each other's company.

So they had a week away, booked into a bed and breakfast. The accommodation consisted of a small log cabin chalet nestled in a clearing with a lake view. There were mountain pass walks, involving climbing if they felt brave, swimming both in the complex pool and in the crisp and refreshing lake water and amply time to read, chat, rest and relax together or separately. They could interact with the other holiday makers as much or as little as they wanted, and Dana knew the surroundings would be perfect to help her recharge.

They were sharing a room, it wasn't the first time. They hadn't been intimate for some time, Dana was respectful of Fox's mixed and jumbled emotions, his depression and reclusive behaviour. She knew they both needed time, were both damaged after the rollercoaster that had been the last few years.

With her doctor's experience she understood that sex was just a distraction that interfered with both their therapy and healing. So they had fallen into a strong and solid friendship, not seeing each other every day like they had when they were agents working for the bureau but their relationship was still as strong.

They knew they were both attractive people, and they still had the spark of attraction between them, but it didn't define them or consume them. It had morphed into something else, something built from a pressured past, where they only depended and trusted each other. They were comfortable and content in each other's company which meant despite not sleeping together they were so much to each other. They knew each other as well as any married couple, their quirks and desires easily discussed, their differing beliefs respected and understood. They were the best of friends and that was enough for them both.

But she had to admit she missed him being close, and she missed him again that night when she awoke in the bed alone. She reached out her hand and came away with cool and empty sheets and she felt disappointed. She had fallen asleep soundly encompassed with his strong and warm arms wrapped round her, keeping her safe. They had both been tired after the long journey and his familiar scent had helped her drift off into a deep sleep, but now she had bolted awake and he was gone.

She sat up and wiped at her eyes, brushing her hair away from her face as she scanned the darkness that shrouded the room. He wasn't in the kitchen area or on the couch in the living area. The final clue that she was alone in the cabin was that his weather proof jacket that should be hanging on the hook next to hers was missing.

She stretched as she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on her jeans and jumper that were laying in the floor from yesterday. She pulled her walking boots closer and slipped her feet into them and got up, quickly crossing to the door and pulling her own coat on. She opened the door and saw the clearing the cabin was nestled in was bathed in moonlight. It was a cold but clear night, the stars bright in the sky. Fox wasn't on the veranda area that surrounded the cabin, but she thought she could see something in the distance by the lake. She wasn't certain but it looked like the silhouette of him perched on a rock at the water's edge. It was quite some distance away and she wasn't sure, but she was an investigator and wasn't going to wait for him to come back to find out what had happened to make him leave the warmth of the bed.

She stepped onto the grass and began to walk over. The grass was wet with dew underfoot and there was a chill breeze that rouged her cheeks, cutting through her layers of clothes and reminding her she hadn't put on a bra. She pulled the jacket tighter and walked briskly, hoping the quicker pace would warm her body.

In the longer grass ahead of her she saw a family of rabbits out nibbling and foraging. And off in the foliage to her left something rustled and she heard what might have been an owl call. She smiled, despite being cold this place was full of nature, full of life and as she breathed deeply, savouring how fresh and crisp the air was, she knew they were lucky and wondered what wildlife they might be treated to seeing in the daylight of the next week.

The rabbits scattered as she neared them, and a cloud covered the moon making it much darker. She shivered, the grass was damp under foot and making her jeans wet at the cuffs which then sat coldly against the skin of her leg. A breeze caught her hair and she brushed it back behind her ear and carried on walking.

As she drew nearer she saw Fox was transfixed with something in the sky, his gaze was trained upwards where he was following something but she couldn't see what it was. The woman came to a stop next to him and looked out into the sky but couldn't fathom what was out there to draw his attention, he was seeing something that was hidden from her.

"Dana it's amazing" he breathed as she settled next to him.

"What is?" She queried, scanning the sky but still unable to make out anything but stars, some cloud cover and the brightness of the moon. It was beautiful, clear with a breeze blowing in gusts across the open water, but she knew that wasn't what he had meant.

"There are dragons flying over the lake!" He whispered, childlike awe in his voice and excitement clear on his face. "There is a large one and two smaller ones, I think they are being taught as the little ones aren't as confident and seem to get tired out easily. But the big one is magnificent."

The auburn haired woman sat next to him unable to see, not sure if he was hallucinating. She looked in his eyes and saw they were clear, he didn't look like he had been drugged. She also didn't know when someone would have had the opportunity as they eaten from a buffet at dinner and opened their own sealed bottles of drink at the table.

He was awake and lucid, and she stood silently studying him for several minutes. She was confused as he moved his head, watching something unseen to her but she had learned long ago to be patient and that things were often not as simple as a first glance. Slowly as the cold seeped into her and she found herself scanning the skyline and surroundings she felt it. The breeze she had felt coming from the lake wasn't like a breeze, it sometimes came more from above and blew in strange, short gusts, almost like wings were beating the air and moving it. As she stood at the lake's edge she began to see strange shadows that weren't clouds and occasionally they would cross the moon and stars blocking them from view momentarily.

It was disconcerting, like an early astrologer who knew a planet was there because of how it affected either the earth, moon or another astral body, she began to see the ripples on the water and the effects of something large overhead but could not see the actual object.

Fox told her in a hushed whisper that their eyes glowed and their scales reflected the moonlight and when he turned to Dana she saw his eyes were dancing with glee but they were clear, he was fully awake and he believed every word he was saying. He was animated, youthful joy had flooded his features, and as he grasped at her hand and entwined their fingers she wanted to believe with him.

She was able to infer there was something out there and she had no explanation, so dubiously she allowed herself to think through the logistics of his description. Was it rational, no, but she had seen so much that defied logic, things that would be classed as fantastical, that she held off from casting judgement and enjoyed the moment and Fox's excitement.

She allowed him to pull her close to him on the rock, so they were huddled, sharing body heat but a companionable silence as they looked out across the lake. As they sat together quietly, slowly things became more defined. She relaxed and with it came the revelation, things swam into focus for Dana. It was like a magic eye picture, the longer she stared eventually a hidden vision exposed itself.

So as she stared intently into the dark night sky, looking into the shadows and through them she began to catch glimpses of things she really couldn't explain. She had to admit she was caught up in Fox's delusion if that was what it was because she thought she could also see the dragons. Not like Fox saw them, but she clearly noticed the odd way light would be reflected or blocked from her sight. She began to believe it had to be light glinting off their scales or the yellow glow of their eyes shimmering briefly out of the darkness.

However crazy it was, this wasn't the craziest theory they had investigated and she had learned over the years to approach things with an open mind. Not as open as Fox, admittedly, but the things she had seen during the X-Files investigations had been pretty unbelievable so she knew not to immediately dismiss a peculiar and bizarre sounding explanation.

If it was true and could be proven, then it might rank pretty high on the weird list, but their past investigations at the bureau had exposed her to lots of things normal people would only think happened in bad horror movies or the twilight zone. A town of Vampires, Voodoo and people coming back from the dead. Real life magic, spells and curses and many things that were dismissed by the general public as folk tales they had seen with their own eyes.

They had seen monsters made of trash, a giant fluke worm, a malicious children's toy and murdering tree bugs to name a few, so an imaginary creature like a dragon that could be a explained as a missed evolutionary step was actually conceivable.

Sitting in the cold, her breath hanging in a cloud with every exhale it dawned on her that the erratic way the light moved was like a classic tale of someone describing an alien UFO. Bright lights floating mid-air and then moving quickly away, blinking in and out of focus.

Her mind span, they had spent so much time chasing unexplained phenomenon. And these lights were unexplained. They had no pattern and if Fox hadn't been there she would have no idea what was causing them. They would have been a mystery, a true unidentified flying object.

She followed the thought, the scientist in her probing it for validity. Could this honestly be what many people thought were aliens? There were so many other things that she had witnessed to do with aliens. Time loss at certain places and false memories that abductees swore were implanted. Things that she herself had experienced, that first case where Mulder sprayed the cross on the ground and they had lost 9 minutes. Dragons didn't explain that.

But she was starting to believe that out on the mountainside and swooping low over the water there were large and majestic creatures. A missing link or just something so unusual that it had passed into myth as they were so rarely to see. That was distinctly possible.

Did believing that make her mad? Was she still asleep and dreaming? Had dinner been laced with a hallucinogen or could she have been exposed to something after the evening meal that was causing them to see things that weren't there?

She shook her head no, she didn't believe that, it all felt too real. From the damp and cold that was seeping into her and giving her a chill to the hard bite of the stone digging into the back of her thighs and numbing her ass. The fact she had neglected to put on socks and the boots had rubbed blisters on her little toes and the damp cuffs of her jeans were soggy from the walk down to the lake. The fact her hair kept blowing in her eyes and the cold was making them water. It was so vivid, too much to be fake.

As she sat, deep in thought there was a shift in the air and Fox moved quickly, protectively. He had stood and pulled at Dana's hand, dragging her a little clumsily to her feet. He moved in front of her, shielding her as he kept her close to him and backed them both up and away from the water edge.

Dana was surprised but felt the air move violently around them and the gravel by the lake shifted as if something huge and heavy had just settled there. As she looked at the disturbed area she saw a woman shimmer into focus, one with tight black clothing and two horns protruding from atop of her head.

"Good evening." She greeted the two shocked former FBI employees.

Dana felt the change in Fox immediately. He flipped into Mulder, the agent, the charming man who kept asking questions until found the answer or at least understood.

He stepped forward and introduced them with a shake of the woman's hand. Scully stood back and appraised the other woman, noticing her long finger nails that were painted a dark colour, the slim frame and pale skin. She was a confident woman and her strength was mirrored in her stance and cold eyes that swept over them.

"I'm Mulder and this is Scully. That was quite some entrance."

"Maleficent." Came the curt reply and Scully felt she was being studied just as intently, clearly being sized up as the woman raked her eyes over them.

Things had gone from odd to completely outrageous in a matter of a few seconds and Scully didn't know what to think.

As Mulder turned and saw the incredulous look on her face he reached out and placed his hand on her arm.

"She's real Scully, I watched her land as the dragon and then change into the woman in the blink of an eye. It was truly magical. And I've touched her, she isn't an illusion."

"No, I'm not an illusion." The horned woman confirmed. "But you two, you are very rare. People don't see us, not in our natural forms. It takes a great believer to see us like you did."

"How could I see you and Scully could only make out glimpses of you?" Mulder asked.

"We are usually cloaked by magic, you were able to see through the cloak and Scully here, well she could obviously see chinks in the cloaking enough to acknowledge our presence. Even that degree of sight is rare, it doesn't happen often, but to see us completely, Mulder that in a human adult is almost unheard of. You must believe strongly and have a very open mind."

The auburn haired woman watched the dragon praise her partner and she felt something tense inside her. Mulder smiled at the horned lady and Scully tried to push the feeling away. She recognized it as suspicion, but more than that, it was jealousy. This woman was statuesque and stunning and had captured Mulder's interest in her dragon form and she hated it.

As Maleficent stepped forward and Scully watched Mulder follow her with his eyes she battled with the emotions. There was no obvious danger here, and yet she felt the woman could be a threat. Maleficent was intoxicating, possibly it was something close to animal magnetism but Scully felt it and knew Mulder did too. She was a conundrum and Mulder loved them, the fact this one was wrapped up in the skin of an attractive lady made Scully's heart beat faster and her mouth go dry. The auburn haired woman felt envy and mistrust rise from her gut and was amazed at how quickly the emotions washed over her when being close to this magical woman. She tried to stone her face but not before Maleficent noticed.

"Do not fear, My Dear. I have no interest in your mate."

Dana tried to shake her head no, but the dragon stilled her with a piercing look.

"He is certainly fine to look at, but you need not worry, I doubt he has the stamina or likes it as rough as I do to satisfy me. Very few humans do these days." And she sighed theatrically while dropping Scully a wink that the ex-agent felt was wholly inappropriate.

It did little to calm her fears or stop her heart beating quite so quickly.

Thankfully Mulder stepped in with his inquisitive nature, "So children sometimes see you?" He queried, pulling the conversation back to safer topics.

"If we get seen it is usually children as they have yet to have their imaginations stilted by life. They are free thinking and have much less restraining their dreams and are still unbiased. Thankfully most parents just think they are making it up or were dreaming quite a vivid day dream so we rarely have to intervene."

Scully perked up at that. "Intervene?" She asked.

"We have to protect ourselves and our existence." The witch defended. "If we are seen we have to take steps to erase that knowledge, we can't risk exposure."

"You tamper with memories?" Scully felt the danger again, she was suspicious of someone that admitted so easily to invading a person's mind and their most intimate thoughts.

"Only when forced to. It is rare we need to do it and unless the person is particularly obnoxious I never implant anything nasty or traumatic." Again there was a wide grin but Scully failed to see the humour or warm to the other woman. Mulder on the other hand laughed quietly and they shared a conspiratorial smile. Her jealousy rumbled below the surface at the interaction.

To divert her attention from the way she was feeling Scully took charge of the conversation and asked, "So there is a world filled with magic out there?" Despite not liking the woman or trusting her Scully found herself fascinated by the concept that fairy tales could be real and magic existed in their reality.

"Yes, magic is real. As real as anything people put faith in." The witch told her.

Scully felt the remark was aimed directly at her and to cement this the two women shared a pointed look, Scully wondering how the dragon woman seemed to be able to read her and know her so well. Then she remembered her chain hanging round her neck but when she went to hold it she only grasped the windbreaker that was done up tightly, hiding the cross she always wore. Maleficent just smiled at her look of confused bewilderment.

The agent guessed that if the other woman had the ability to get inside a person's head and implant false memories she could probably also see thoughts and memories. She felt unsettled as she wondered if the witch was poking about in her head and viewing her most intimate ideas and desires so she changed the conversation away from her personal beliefs by saying, "l have faith in science. Magic isn't something we accept in our way of life."

Maleficent told her, "But the fact you can see magic means you aren't completely shut off from the possibility. And science and magic share common qualities. They both manipulate and mix chemicals, elements, even the molecules. Healing potions that old wives have been making using natural ingredients for years are an example of basic science, early medicine taking form."

Scully acknowledged the truth in that, many people in history had been skilled in providing aid by mixing fruits, roots, minerals and herbs. And they had, more often than not, been persecuted for it, labelled as a witch or devil worshipper. The other woman did understand why the dragon had chosen to hide in the darkness. People reacted in fear to things they didn't understand and could easily hunt or hurt the woman and her young.

The witch continued, "Some of what you consider unbelievable is only a matter of perspective and understanding. There are still gaps in your science, elements missing in your tables and questions about the evolution of the planet and your species. Some of what you think of as magic is just a lack of knowledge. Somethings I do are not magical or fantastical, they just use a level of understanding that you humans haven't discovered yet. Electricity is a normal and regular commodity to you, but to a medieval man electricity is magic. This is the same, you need a revised perspective and different understanding of the universe before you will comprehend what I am able to do. Given time and some breakthrough ideas things will become clear and magic will seem less fantastical."

"As a race we aren't there yet." Mulder nodded his agreement.

"No, I'm afraid humans aren't ready to accept our existence, which means I will have to erase the last few hours for both of you."

And Maleficent was genuinely sad, because she liked these two humans. They were honest and clever, accepting and while intrigued and a little scared, they weren't motivated by fear or anger. She had come across many humans, it was unfortunate that for people to be able to see her they had to have open minds. This often meant they were stupid people who didn't know how to close their minds, their minds were so open they were the guliable and less educated, people who believed in fake news or the latest craze without question. They also lacked the ability to close their mouths too, so she often had them either screaming in fear or testing her patience with stupid or obscene questions before she was able to knock them out and get some blessed silence.

The only bonus with those kind of people were that she was often able to stage a situation where the person appeared to be drunk, rambling about flying shadows, winged creatures or unexplained lights. And the words were dismissed as a by product or the intoxication.

The sadness must have shown on her face because she felt the fear spike in the ex-agents, but they didn't run or try and fight her. They exchanged a look between them and Maleficent wished they could see what was so obvious to her. They might work well together, but it was more than that, they belonged together. They were dancing round something that could be so good for them, between them. She hoped they would soon realise it.

As it dawned on Scully that she would be losing a large chunk of her night to lost memories she thought back to the time loss of alien encounters. She was certain Maleficent wasn't the reason for all of them, but she did think the woman had been able to use the obsession of alien abduction and UFO's to her advantage and used those circumstances in some of her implanted memories.

Mulder was obviously on the same page as he looked Maleficent squarely in the eye and told her, "You'd better not implant any memories with bright light, big black eyes, being experimented on and anal probing!"

"I only do that for the obnoxious and really annoying. I think you two are safe." The horned woman told him, and her smile was warm.

Both Mulder and Scully had seen her magic and knew to fight would be foolish. Even if they had been armed and had a gun it was unlikely they could defeat her. And after the discussion they had engaged in it was surprising to them both to find that there was an understanding forged with the witch and they knew she was telling them the truth.

She held out her hand and assured them, "It won't hurt and I'll return you safely to your beds. Please trust me."

Both of them slowly approached her with trepidation but grasped each other's hand before reaching out and taking her hold of her hand. Taking a deep breath and closing their eyes they waited a few seconds. They didn't know it but they went limp as everything went black and Maleficent concentrated on creating the magic and pushing past memories within their heads. She wove and created, spending slightly longer than she would normally before transporting the unconscious bodies back to their cabin.

* * *

Dana stood in the dining hall, looking at the breakfast queue and deciding she would wait for Fox.

"I'm Bob." The man came up behind her, leering as he looked over her figure and she shook his hand in a perfunctory gesture. She wasn't in the mood for polite small talk, she felt unsettled about last night and she knew she had some memory loss which was niggling at the back of her mind.

Bob was prattling on about the range of choice at the breakfast buffet and she nodded distractedly. She wondered what was keeping Fox.

As the oblivious man kept talking she zoned back in. "Are you planning on swimming in the lake at all?" he asked. "It is cool and very refreshing, I took the kids yesterday."

"No I think I'd rather use the pool." She told him.

"Frightened what you might find in the water?" the man joked. "There aren't any Lochness type monsters here."

And that resonated inside her somehow, setting off a feeling of déjà vu. But every time she tried to focus on it the memory and thoughts associated with it escaped her.

She tried to tell herself that it was because both her and Mulder had investigated monsters for a living. Whether they were human murders or actual monsters they had come across a variety of weird creatures. But she didn't think that was what she was feeling about the lake.

Even when she thought back and remembered the Big Blue case she knew that wasn't what was bothering her, but she couldn't pin point what it was. Big Blue had been nothing unusual or monstrous in the end, just a large dog eating crocodile. The man's comment made her think of a big, powerful, fictitious creature and her brain was responding, grasping at something just out of reach.

She couldn't focus her mind and as she stopped trying and her conscious filtered back to the dining room she realised the man had stopped talking and was waiting for a response. She had no idea what he had asked, and it was quickly becoming awkward as the silence span out.

Making an excuse she quickly escaped from the conversation saying, "I just need to find out what is keeping my partner, nice to meet you and enjoy your day."

As she walked away mulling over the Lochness comment she felt jealously shaft through her, white hot, spilling through her veins. She recognised it immediately, she had battled with in the early years when Fox had flirted with other women but this was on a scale unlike anything else.

She didn't understand, but she felt the need to find Fox and soon. It was a feral response, a desire to take him, claim him, he was hers. She hadn't felt like that for quite some time and as she tried to push it away it just focused and became more intense.

She had to stop and lean against the wall, taking a deep breath as suddenly she was assaulted with a vision. Her subconscious had her in its grip and as her imagination took hold she had visions of herself in a tight black corset and leather knee high boots. It was a very gothic type outfit, quite different to her usual attire and in her fantasy she was commanding and domineering her man. And Fox looked like he was loving it.

It was so different from the soft and gentle way they had taken to making love in the past. She had no idea what was driving her thoughts at that time, but she hoped Fox was still in the cabin, she was battling arousal and losing, a sensual fog filling her brain.

As she quickened her pace across the clearing and practically broke the door with the forceful way she tore it open a dragon sat on a mountainous ledge and breathed deeply. With her animal senses she caught the very slight hint of sexual need on the air and had seen the way the auburn haired woman had rushed.

The dragon flashed her teeth as she smiled, sometimes she implanted nice visions and memories and she knew now her work here was done.


	4. Only in the Mirror

This is the story I mentioned following on from the first chapter in the bar.

It is just a laugh, nothing serious, and although I am a Dollar fan I will happily admit there are better songs out there. It just fitted with the storyline.

Enjoy.

* * *

Since her arrival in this world she had discovered she enjoyed many things, but the radio and the music that came out of it was one of her favourites. She loved the fact that music was an industry where women excelled as much as men did. Talent was what was rewarded and it was fair.

She looked around her room, she had bought very little with her for her fresh start, but between herself, Maleficent and Ursula they had enough magic to send her, some riches, some fine fabrics and clothes and a few magical trinkets to this new world.

And she marveled in this world, where people were called Prince, Queen Latifah, Rip Torn and Vanilla Ice. She had briefly considered keeping her name The Queen, but realized part of the ability to carry the bizarre and theatrical name was the fact those people had celebrity status. Calling herself The Queen as a regular and normal person might seem egotistical, and she wanted, no needed, to seem normal and to fit in. So she had opted for the name Theresa Quinton and as a compromise she told people to call her TQ.

So TQ had a modest apartment in New York and a new life that she was exploring. It came with overheard arguments from other tenants and doors slamming in the middle of the night, watching young lovers stroll hand in hand through the park, seeing pigeons flocking and being fed by elderly couples who sat in the late afternoon sun chatting to each other. And she watched and learned and loved every minute of it.

Her favorite discovery in this technologically advanced world had to be the radio that had been left behind by a previous occupant. She had been wary of the TV but the radio was less fantastical and she had quickly discovered its many uses. It updated her on the news, weather and sport. There were chat shows, debates, light comedy and it played wonderful songs. And even if she didn't like one, she just span the knob to a different frequency until she found a song she did like.

Currently she was tuned in to an easy listening afternoon show, just background noise as she cleaned. She had always hated cleaning in the old world, her mother had treated her as an unpaid slave while she had lived in their damp, cramped hut that served as their home. But now, with music to lift her mood, even cleaning wasn't so bad. She suddenly became focused as the words of the presenter interested her.

The radio announcer had a note of incredulity in her voice when she communicated the next story on her list, but the woman previously known as The Evil Queen wasn't bothered about that. She cared about the content.

 _Lady Gaga has just indicated in her most recent interview that she is going to pay tribute to the 80s, often quoted as her source of inspiration, with a remix of the Dollar hit Mirror Mirror. It will of course have her unique brand of modernisation, be more of a dance hit and come with a daring music video. Who knew Lady Gaga liked Dollar? All we know for certain is David Van Day must be rubbing his hands with glee as any cover song always increases sales of the original. We wait with baited breath for more information from camp Gaga._

The woman disc jockey then completed her show with some amusing remarks before finally signing off with one of Lady Gaga's big hits from a past year.

The radio then belted out Bad Romance and TQ shimmed her hips as she danced and swayed across the room. Lady Gaga was one of her favourites and she loved to hear about her. From the cameos in her music videos, collaborations she was planning or her latest wardrobe adventure, the woman listened to any news articles with rapt attention.

Her magic mirror watched from the dark corner he inhabited, eyes rolling at the display. He no longer got asked to give feedback to The Queen, but if he had been asked he would have told her young Bambi on ice had more dance co-ordination.

He did not like this new world, there were too many variables, too many people. The Queen had also, since discovering the radio, TV and the internet, not really asked him anything. He felt redundant and hated it. His bitterness was growing daily and he had begun to wish he had been left behind in the old world. Even the company of the Sea Witch might have been better than this.

Then the woman started to sing along with the noise from the radio. God how he hated this modern music. He like orchestral melodies, soft and calming. The bass in this song made the frame shake and gave him a headache. Her out of tune rendition did nothing to make him like the song any better, she was murdering it. He supposed he should be grateful she wasn't listening to Kerrang or Kisstory today. They were always worse with men screaming into the microphone like they were women and the bass thudding like a battering ram.

He had told her that she couldn't sing once, in fact that might have been the last time they had spoken now he thought back. Shortly after he had imparted that truth she had gone out and bought a laptop, a new speaker system and a table cloth.

She used the laptop often, the internet was a source of great knowledge and she seemed to have made friends in various "chat rooms". The speakers were a surround sound system to enhance the music quality from the TV and the table cloth was to cover him if she had company coming over.

He had been seething at that, and several times now she had acted on her threat and covered him while he had to listen to her entertaining people. People he assumed she had found on the internet, all equally stupid and chasing the newest designer dreams. A better job, a good education for their kids, a rich husband. He could only mock their petty lives underneath his covering and cringe as his mistress laughed with them. He did have to admit, she laughed more in this strange new world and it wasn't the bitter twisted laugh he used to hear in the castle. This was genuine amusement, she was happy. And he hated her for it.

It was a few days later that he was uncovered and saw a radiant smile greet him. He responded shortly, his voice clipped in a surly manner but this tone failed to dim the woman's enthusiasm.

"Show me Lady Gaga." She commanded and as he was enchanted to do he duly retreated and allowed the mirror to fill with the image she had requested.

TQ gasped, she was in a diner, eating a stack of pancakes. She had a pair of ripped jeans, a baggy sweatshirt and a baseball cap coving her hair that was up in a ponytail. The cap was pulled low over her eyes, covering her face and The Queen recognized it was a disguise to keep away the fans while the woman had a moment to herself to relax and eat. She looked normal and no one would spare her a second glance, which was obviously the idea.

The Queen flicked her wrist and the man appeared again. "Find me that shop." She told him. He huffed a bit, wondering if it was another butcher's she was frequenting, looking for another meat dress. He had done his own research about the woman his mistress seemed to be obsessed with and he deemed Gaga was the right name. She was a little unhinged and enjoyed pushing boundaries. He supposed he understood why The Queen was fascinated. She had been lambasted for behaving like that in the old world, and yet here the Gaga woman was celebrated for being unique and quirky.

His own personal opinion was that this world had a sickness, everything was excessive. In every aspect there was too much, there was too much food and money, too much coveting, fame was fickle and TV, movie, sports stars all got a share. He missed the iron rule of a monarch, not this odd arrangement where a president was voted for by the people.

But because he was enchanted and had no choice he did as he was asked and showed the location of the diner, which turned out to be just down the street from the apartment.

Without another word TQ was off, covering and then grabbing the frame from the wall, ignoring the protesting man as he was jiggled about. She was just concerned with rushing to get to the diner before the unsuspecting woman finished her pancakes.

She walked into the diner, her stomach in knots. She was nervous, it was excitement and fear in equal measure. For the first time in this world she was about to be honest and tell her tale, one of a chase for power, attempted murder, poisoning and now freedom in a new world. And she was about to meet Lady Gaga, who had massive talent, a flare for the exotic and from the look of things an appetite for breakfast served in a dingy downtown diner.

But The Queen couldn't judge, she herself was hiding, creating a fresh start in a new world. So she just slide in to the empty seat opposite the startled woman, introducing herself and aiming for a winning smile.

The woman opposite her sat up straight, shock on her face, probably at being interrupted and recognized. She had dressed down and didn't exactly look like her stage equivalent at the moment in her old, comfy clothes and dirty trainers.

Taking advantage of the stunned silence the former Queen launched into her tale, detailing her past and the reason for her visit.

At the mention of Snow White the singer's eyes went wide before turning frantic, probably at thinking she was sharing the table with a raving lunatic. But the older woman had prepared for this, she knew she might need to prove her story. She just needed to get everything out in the open, then she could begin to convince Lady Gaga with actions.

"I have a perfect prop for the video of the new single" she said breathlessly as she had rushed her words to get through it all before the woman across the table bolted. The shock had quickly worn off to be replaced by darting eyes that were looking for an escape, she had taken a defensive pose with arms crossed and her back pressed as far into the grimy upholstery of the booth as she could.

"A magic mirror to go with the song Mirror Mirror. You must know the one I speak of, Disney portrayed me very badly but they did show a magic mirror and I have travelled across realms with it, he is here." She nudged the frame with her foot so it jiggled and there was an unmistakable curse word uttered and then some low level grumblings.

The blonde woman in her sweatshirt just nodded dumbly, not convinced at all but hoping by placating the weirdo that had found her this Sunday morning she might be able to get away without a major incident.

As the older woman took a breath after telling her story Gaga took her opportunity. She got up and ran to the Ladies bathroom, shutting herself in a stall and leaning heavily against the door. From there she could call her security and they could deal with the rather odd fan. She hadn't finished her breakfast but it was ruined now, she just wanted to leave and try and gain the relaxed feel her weekend had had half an hour ago.

The outer door opened and Lady Gaga sighed in resignation. Of course the woman wouldn't give up that easily.

"You don't believe me." The blonde heard the older woman's voice, tinged with sadness, but she had to admit, there was a regal quality to the way the older woman had spoken. A well-educated lunatic then, and the blonde banged her head against the door in frustration.

It was a shame but the former Queen understood the reluctance she was being shown, it sounded fantastic even to her ears and she had lived through it. She was still trying to be calm and reasonable and maybe she could get through to the young singer.

"Most of my fans try and grab my attention but this, well this is the weirdest story I have ever heard." The slim blonde was hiding behind the toilet door frantically trying to remove her phone from the tight denim encasing her lower body. She had to call someone to remove the crazy woman who had trapped her in the bathroom.

"Mirror what colour underwear is she wearing?" She heard from the other side of the door. A man's voice then answered, "No brassiere, and red lace panties."

The blonde flushed, she was dressed down and without a bra but thought she could get away with it, especially with a baggy sweatshirt. Apparently not. She stopped playing with her phone and paid more attention to the voices on the other side of the stall door.

"Lucky guess." She called out while wondering how the woman was managing to throw her voice to sound like a disgruntled and bored man.

"How about I use the Mirror to foretell the future?" She knew she would be questioned, so she had devised a plan while walking to the diner.

She continued, "Today is Sunday, 6th November. Leonard Cohen will die tomorrow, I assumed as a musician you know of him? Trump will win on Tuesday, Robert Vaughn will die on Friday and the weekend number one will be Closer. I know that is predictable as it has been number one for weeks, but it will soon to be replaced with Black Beatles by Rae Sremmurd. On the following Monday the New York Giants will beat the Cincinnati Bengals 21-20."

"You're insane." The woman muttered on the other side of the door, "Hilary is ahead in all the polls. Let alone wishing people dead. I think we've had enough musicians die this year already."

"I'm not wishing them dead, it is just what will happen. I asked the mirror earlier and he is bound by a spell to tell the truth."

She hung her head and sighed dejectedly. She hadn't convinced the blonde and she knew it, but she sensed it was time for her to leave, she had done her best and had at least managed to tell her story without being carted off by overzealous security guards. She wasn't going to push her luck any further, the woman would either believe her after the events of the next week, or she wouldn't.

As her parting comment she added. "I've written my name and address on a napkin and am leaving it here next to the basin. I promise I didn't mean to scare you and I would never hurt you, I wish to gift the mirror to you. I will leave the bathroom now and not return, please come out once I am gone. I hope you can believe me and maybe in a few weeks' time when these events have come to pass you might treat me with a little more credulity."

She didn't look back as she left the bathroom, she exited the diner with her back straight and head held high. Like a Queen. She kept her word to leave the flustered and confused singer alone and walked home with the mirror.

As she stepped out of the diner she felt her lips curl into a smile. Despite the visit going badly the sun was shining and the air was fresh. She felt unburdened after telling the truth, and it left her feeling hope and happiness in her heart. Even the blasted mirror seemed less heavy to her now, and she swung him gently by her side making him mumble expletives as he was rocked around in the frame.

She didn't care about his muttering, and to drown it out she began to hum to herself. She was enjoying the walk, stretching her legs and the crisp and cool fresh air. As she cast her eyes around taking in the historic buildings she noticed the appraising looks a few men gave her svelte figure as she confidently crossed the street.

A sudden thought had her suppressing a laugh. Hope, that was what she felt inside her. To have been given another and better chance to find a pleasing future. And she ducked her head to hide the rueful smile gracing her features. Because the thought dancing through her mind was that she was beginning to sound like the insipid Snow White. Next it would be unicorns, sunbeams, rainbow coloured flowers and speeches on true love. No, she shook her head, she was hopeful but she wasn't delusional, she was well aware unicorns didn't exist in this world.

Lifting her head again and savouring the view of the trees and the green of the grass in the park she sighed contentedly. Yes, she thought to herself, this world was definitely the place for her.

* * *

The knock on her door 3 weeks later was unexpected. She was even more surprised to open the door and find the blonde singer there. She had given up waiting and believing, thinking that her attempt to reach out to the singer had been rebuffed.

She reasoned that it had been too long and she had given up after 2 weeks of nervous waiting, frequent pacing and feeling sick every time her doorbell rang. She had begun to get back on with her life, accepting she had tried her best and that Lady Gaga must have better things to do than listen to middle aged women telling bizarre fairy tales.

She couldn't speak, there was a rush of joy that was zinging round her body.

"Can I come in?" The blonde asked and the older woman instantly move aside and let the woman pass.

"Are you ok?" The younger woman asked as she took in the look of amazed shock and that fact that her host had yet to speak to her.

"Y…..Yes." The woman suddenly found her composure, her royal roots took over and she became The Queen again, welcoming, polite, leading her guest to a comfy chair and offering a drink and some nibbles.

"I can't stay long," the singer apologized, declining the offer of food and drink, "but I'd like to take you up on the offer of the mirror, if it is still available?"

"Of course it is." TQ nodded.

"And offer you the chance to be in the video."

The older woman snapped her head up and locked eyes with the blonde. She wasn't sure she had heard right, and if she had, it must be a trick. She wasn't like any of the people she had seen in previous Lady Gaga videos. She couldn't dance, well not the modern, gyrating way, her skill in dancing was in a ballroom. And she liked wearing far too many clothes compared to what she had seen in modern music videos. She wasn't a fan of PVC cat suits either.

"I don't think you'd want me in your video." She stated. "I can't dance." She clarified.

"You don't need to be a good dancer to be in my videos" Gaga told her. "Look at the Housewives I had in GUY, they didn't dance, it was a cameo."

"But I'm not famous." The woman told her with a forlorn expression.

"No, not as you look now. You are very famous in this world, just as a fictional character. It will be a private joke between the two of us. But don't dwell on that, you are here now and I would love you to be in my video, especially as you are supplying the main prop."

The older woman beamed, she was beyond grateful and happy. Against all odds her tale had been believed and she was going to get to star in a music video. She was spending time with someone she respected, it would be a lasting memory forever and she would treasure it.

After her guest had left she sank into the armchair and thought about what had happened. She felt exhilarated, never in her wildest dreams had she believed she could feel like this. It beat ordering the huntsman to kill Snow White, it beat feeding the spoilt brat the poisoned apple. She had a rush of endorphins, happy emotions piling in on her, and she just sat there soaking it up.

* * *

After her portion of filming and everyone marveling at the special effects they assumed where involved in the mirror TQ sank into a fold out chair, she was utterly exhausted. They had spent the whole day with her stood before the mirror, giving it instructions. Sometimes it was just a regular mirror, sometimes she asked it to show scenes.

She and Lady Gaga had met up and discussed what the mirror could do and what the singer wanted a couple of days before filming. TQ had made it very clear that the mirror was a fantastic creation, but he was obnoxious and temperamental. She would need to have prepared and tested the images they wanted to show. So they discussed what scenery, groups or individual shots of people, some historical events and special effects she hoped the mirror could cope with producing.

She had instructed it to create mist and expel it out onto the video set as an added visual effect. They had decided to have a close up shot where a mini storm with thunder and lightning was going on inside the frame which would sink up to the bass and harsher notes within the song. She had made the mirror create an endless reflection as the "echo" that Lady Gaga would sing about when the lyrics were played over the top of the images.

And through it all the singer was dancing, prancing, weaving in and out of the shot. As usual she was wearing very little and looking toned and TQ admired the woman's strength because she had been up for hours and was still stamping her feet to the beat and bending, bucking with the music. TQ was exhausted and she had only really stood there, moving as she was instructed as the director changed camera angles and took more and more pictures with his rolls of film.

She finally heard the words, "That's a wrap!" and knew everything would begin to wind down, the show was over and filming was done with. She sighed and looked over at the mirror who just glared at her. He was livid at being made to perform and she could feel his hostility from where she was sitting.

She looked away, not needing him anymore and saw the star of the show walking over to her.

"Hey, you did a great job today." The blonde praised the seated woman.

"I really enjoyed myself." She smiled and stood, walking to meet the younger woman halfway.

"I've reviewed some of the shots with the director and they look amazing, the video is going to be great." The singer enthused and the two women shared a smile.

The mirror looked at the interaction and then singled out the slim blonde, twisting his features into a contemptuous sneer, unable to hold his tongue about it anymore.

"I can tell you there is nothing great about this ill-advised venture. The only thing I foresee is that Trevor Horn the writer will make more money than you will out of this."

Lady Gaga looked at her newest friend and co-star of her video.

"You're right, he is obnoxious!"

With a worried tone the older woman responded, "He's also enchanted to tell the truth, are you sure you want to continue with the song's release?"

"Sometimes music isn't about the money, it is about bringing joy and keeping things fresh. If the song is a hit or not, I'll have had fun making it. I've employed a whole load of dancers and backing artists and there will be people who enjoy listening to it. I've got enough money to fund a flop single."

"Harrumph" came from the mirror.

"I've made a friend and gained a magic mirror too." She smirked and winked at the other woman, who laughed freely, a sound she never thought would be coming from her a year ago as she had sat plotting in isolation inside her castle walls. _How things have changed_ she marveled.

"He really is insufferable isn't he?" Lady Gaga said, "He is opinionated, speaks out of turn, and fails to think before opening his mouth."

The mirror glowered at the leggy blonde, scowling his displeasure at being referred to in such derogatory terms.

"I don't really want to keep it, would you mind if I gave it away?"

"Feel free." The older woman replied.

"Now who do I dislike enough to gift it to?" The blonde asked. "I wonder what Kanye West is up to these days?" She remarked, smirking viciously.

"They'd get on like a house on fire!" TQ answered, seeing a perfect bromance that could grow between the arrogant Kanye and the mirror that would love to massage his ego. Kanye who regularly got up at music awards to shout about how people didn't deserve what had been given to them. Kanye who thought he was the King of everything, tweeting stupid and ill thought out comments. Yes he was indeed all the things Lady Gaga had just described the mirror to be and probably a perfect match as the new owner for the mirror.

"I'll ask my agent to mail it to him anonymously," the blonde said, "After all, we wouldn't want it coming back now, would we?"

"Good idea." TQ answered as they pulled a sheet round the protesting mirror and then secured some bubble wrap round him for good measure.

As the two women walked off arm in arm the woman formerly known as The Evil Queen cast a glance back and realized that was exactly what it was. The past, history, backwards. She had flirted with and then eventually married the night, the darkness had consumed her as The Evil Queen.

But now, well now she had a new life opening up to her, the past no longer needed to follow her around, she was her own person, made her own decisions and she was strong and powerful. And she didn't need magic to do it, she was independent and she knew she was on the precipice of something, something beautiful and filled with promise. She was on the edge of glory.


	5. A Dragon Ride

Next up a Harry Potter story.

Set around the fifth year, so Order Of The Phoenix timeline.

Not much Harry - sorry!

* * *

The great hall was full of chatter as the school gathered for their evening meal. The students sat on their house benches with their friends, the banter flowing back and forth.

Draco sat with Crabbe and Goyle, feeling superior to his rather dim companions. Really if their families hadn't been loyal to the Dark Lord he wondered if they would even be sitting together, that seemed to be the only reason except they had been placed in the same house.

He wondered who he might sit with if the choice had been his own, because he enjoyed telling the two half-wits what to do, but they weren't great for conversation. Sometimes he looked over at Potter and the Weasley boy sitting with the mudblood girl and he felt something shift inside him. He hated the relaxed way they talked together, laughing naturally. Crabbe and Goyle laughed at his jokes but it was forced, they were loyal to him because their fathers' had told them to be.

They were too stupid to question it and often too stupid to understand his jokes and his sharp wit. Occasionally he had to admit that the Grainger girl would be better company, with her intelligence she would understand his musings and humour.

As he was watching the three Gryffindor's with a feeling he would swear wasn't envy a commotion began to rumble through the great hall.

Draco snapped his head up as the doors swung open and a tall woman marched through. The moment she entered all eyes fell on her and they were captivated, her posture was perfect, her skin glowed with life, her eyes danced and her dark clothing wrapped her frame showing a slim and attractive figure. From her head protruded two horns, black and sharp and although she must have felt the scrutiny she continued to walk straight to the main table with her head held high. She didn't glance to either side, each step was made with purpose and she ignored the whispering that immediately sprang up in her wake.

"Maleficent!" some of them were saying, as others just gapped at her. Draco watched the woman with amusement, she looked good he had to admit, for a fairy tale character. It was obvious she was confident and there was an air of danger that surrounded her. He tried not to stare too much.

Crabbe was muttering to himself, "She's real?" While Goyle seemed to be transfixed by the tight ass that was swaying past them. When he did find his voice he was able to whispered nothing but awed compliments and Draco just shook his head at their ineloquence.

"I suppose she has style." The blonde youth told the other two boys. He ignored the stunning strut and high cheek bones and the fact he too found her quite mesmerising. He blamed it on the fact that since hitting puberty his hormones had been running wild. He kept finding himself transfixed by pretty girls, even the half-bloods, ones with questionable family finances or the wrong allegiance. Occasionally even the Grainger girl. To cover his unease he added, "But I doubt the tales are true, she is a woman after all."

They then all snickered and returned to eating as the witch took her seat at the main table. The chatter soon moved on to different topics, quidditch, the next field trip, potions homework. Draco soon put Maleficent's arrival to one side, he might tell his father in his next owl but after dessert was served he gave her very little thought and once in the Slytherin common room he forgot about her arrival completely.

* * *

He next saw her in his transfiguration lesson, standing next to Professor McGonagall. She still looked stunning and commanded his attention, but he pushed any complimentary thoughts away. He covered his surprise at seeing her in the lesson by making a smart remark

"I thought McGonagall was bad enough, now there are two women to lecture us!"

He grumbled, but his remark felt hollow, he didn't seem to get the buzz and enjoyment he used to from putting other people down. And he couldn't work out why or when it had changed, but he thought it might have been since the Grainger girl had put him on his ass with the sure strike of her fist. Ever since then he found himself plagued by thoughts about his words and actions. He was thinking more deeply particularly about his friends or lack of.

She bothered him because she might be a mudblood but she wasn't letting that stop her. She excelled at school, was popular and had danced the night away with Viktor Krum a world class quidditch player. His life in comparison seemed rather limited, manipulated by and dictated to by his father. He was struggling more and more with that, his own views and opinions differing. He wanted to be his own man and he was maturing but he was scared, so he lashed out and hid, parroting things he knew would make his father happy. He felt like a coward and he hated himself.

He took his seat and listened as McGonagall introduced the visiting witch. One who could change into a dragon and had great power over the magically art of shape shifting.

Maleficent looked out at the class of children who were slowly turning into adults.

One stood out, he was named after her kindred spirit after all. And he was in Slytherin, the house symbol a snake. Dragons were often referred to as winged snakes, and they shared many similarities with their cold blooded reptile cousins.

She looked at the boy. His blonde hair and smug expression begged her to take him on and bring him down a peg or two. Especially with her exceptional hearing and having overheard his sexist remarks, not just once but twice. She would make him learn some respect, both for her and for women in general.

She looked at him and he tried to puff up his chest and meet her eye, a false sense of bravado, but she saw his fear floating underneath the surface. He was a conundrum, and she was certain it wasn't just because he was a hormonal teenage boy. There was something about him, something soft and tender that he was trying to squash and deny. Trying to hide with his hurtful and shallow comments.

Then she placed it, he thought he wanted attention, but then wilted under any intense scrutiny. It was as if his nature was warring with his perceived ideas of behaviour and she was certain it stemmed from his upbringing. She knew a little of Lucius his father and was certain that was it. Children didn't generally, in her experience, come out of the womb sexist idiots.

She had heard whispers of the Malfoy's being loyal to The Dark Lord and knew Lucius probably liked to play the domineering father, to hide his own issues of inadequacy. Becoming a Death Eater meant he could surround himself with the company of men who were perceived as strong, but all they really did was the bidding of Voldemort, never making a decision for themselves. They were shadows, puppets in a grander plan, having very little control.

They became men who would grasp at whatever power they could, and Maleficent knew that would mean having a meek woman at home who conformed to his idea of a typical marriage. And that would please The Dark Lord with his traditional and seriously skewed ideas. Yes she knew men like Lucius Malfoy, they often looked at her with scorn, detesting that so much power sat with a woman, the weaker sex.

But she refused to bow to them, or entertain them and their ridiculous notions. It was a shame that in this day and age that the magical world could still be so divided, but it would continue all the while men like Lucius Malfoy were respected, and his money and his self-proclaimed pure blood status ensured that. She saw clearly in the case of the Malfoy's that the father was the man of the house, the stereotypical strength, power and provider and he had passed those stilted and outdated ideas on to his son.

She studied the son, who had dropped his head to the desk after failing to meet her eye. He was clearly a son who was struggling to fill the mold set for him, who was unsure where he fitted after seeing the world in a different light away when he was at school and from his father's rule.

She moved her eyes across the rest of the class, seeing the famous Harry Potter catch her eye and hold her gaze. She smiled at him and his ginger friend clapped him on the back and muttered something about him having, "pulled". She shook her head at the naïve youths but was glad they were relaxing and having fun. From what Minerva had told her fun was in short supply since the arrival of Dolores Umbridge.

Knowing the Dark Lord had returned she was certainly going to make sure today was enjoyable for the class, who knew how many more days they would have that weren't full of violence and death.

She was introduced and quickly jumped straight in to telling the class about her dragon half. The horned woman was enthusiastic, and all eyes gravitated to her as she proceeded to tell the class how she maintained control of the creature but that when in that form her animal instincts were much stronger.

She grinned showing the white of her teeth as she asked the class which instincts they thought she meant. She was starting to play her game with the blonde haired boy and she was looking forward to it.

Draco watched the Grainger girl immediately raise her hand and give the answer "hunting". Another girl supplied the answer "protecting any offspring". One of the Hufflepuff boys asked whether dragons fought for domination and if she was more prone to violence and defence of her territory when in her animal form. Maleficent nodded to all of their answers but fixed Draco with a feral smile as she dropped her voice and asked in a slightly husky tone if he could think of one more activity that she might enjoy more in her animal form.

The implication was clear, there was sex dripping from the woman's voice and her demeanour as she leaned forward so her breasts pushed up and strained against her corset and she slowly licked over her lips. As the youth struggled not to blush, stare at her cleavage or allow the silence to drag on too long so he didn't seem like an inept idiot McGonagall cleared her throat and openly told the class, "that will be enough on that topic" and "they would now be moving outside on to the practical demonstration."

McGonagall then shot the visiting witch a pointed look that verged on a reproachful glare but Maleficent just smirked as she turned around and walked out of the classroom without looking back. The two woman had previously discussed that the classroom was too small for her to transform, she needed space to expand and be able to show off the magnificence of her other half. Out in the fresh air she could spread her wings, swish her tail, breath fire and fly if required. After all she wanted to leave her mark and be remembered. What was the point of a demonstration if you held back?

She was pretty certain the blonde boy's eyes were watching her ass as she left the room so she added a little extra sway to her hips and her smile grew. She didn't walk too quickly, her heels clicked with a resounding echo on the flagstone floor to prolong the show but soon enough she was outside with lush green grass under her feet.

She breathed deeply the fresh air and was in a gleeful mood, soon she would be soaring high above the landscape. She loved the freedom and the way her blood pounded in her veins, pumped by her massive dragon heart. Her sight became sharper, her hearing more keen, her senses magnified and she couldn't wait to feel the wind against her scales or the cool water as she drank generously from the refreshing lake.

The rest of the students were following professor McGonagall in single file as they marched out to the edge of the lake. Draco was at the back with Crabbe and Goyle, he didn't particularly want to see this, he didn't like large creatures, the hippogriff had been more than enough to put him off them. And the hippogriff had been stupid, this was most certainly not a stupid creature. The dragon would have the memories of the witch, would be able to understand and respond to much more than just some dumb animal. He shivered as he thought of the way her eyes had drilled into him earlier, he sincerely hoped she would leave him alone when she was the dragon, but he had a really bad feeling about it.

Now Maleficent was out in the open she pulled her magic close. She wrapped it round her and let it flow through her veins, the fire transforming her. Fuelling her body as it grew and changed and soon she was the dragon, stood on the shore of the lake, towering over the water and the class of youngsters. She smiled a toothy grin and her eyes danced with liquid fire as she heard the excited and surprised gasps and murmurs pass through the group of teenagers.

She had explained to Professor McGonagall that she would take a few lucky members of the class for a ride, and that they would pick randomly, drawing straws for the privilege. As the class gathered round the older woman and each pulled a straw from her hand the dragon looked on. She gently reached out her magic and made sure that Draco pulled upon a straw to ensure he would get a dragon ride. The other successful teenagers were whooping and excited, Draco looked a little sick as she bent her neck and breathed hot air on him, forcing him to look up at her and into her eyes which were dancing with mirth. She remembered his words, his whispered mutterings and derogatory remarks and in that moment he knew he was being punished and taught a greater lesson than transmogrification. He blinked and swallowed hard and if it was possible the dragon's smile grew. Her mouth drew further back showing her gums as well as her perfectly pointed teeth and her forked tongue ran over the white and shiny expanse, emphasising each sharp tip and she could smell the fear rolling off the boy.

She had a wicked sense of humour and although she felt slighted by Disney at their portrayal of her, they weren't completely wrong. She may not be completely evil and immoral but she had to admit she did enjoy playing games and pushing boundaries and often was blunt and inappropriate. She just hated conforming and being judged on nothing but her reputation. She detested being labelled or compared to her film version, but she knew she had a short temper and often obsessed about revenge and that part of her was close to the cartoon. However she felt Disney had painted a picture where goodness was linked to beauty and because she wasn't what was considered conventionally beautiful she had to be a villain and valued less as a woman.

And the Malfoy boy had readily accepted that version too. So she would leave him until last, to make him wait in his panic filled state. It would be fun for her and serve as a good reminder to the boy that he was just that. He wasn't a man, he needed to grow up and learn to see what was around him before he would earn that right.

As she moved away from him, she dropped her neck to allow a different student to climb on her back and with a flap of her wings that nearly forced the gathered class to their knees she took off, up into the cooler air, a part excited and part terrified child clinging to her neck.

Crabbe and Goyle were hanging round him and he wiped his sweaty palms on his robe and hoped they didn't notice. They were jabbering away about something dull and stupid and he couldn't concentrate on it at all, all he could think of was being up in the air with a huge animal that seemed intent in its desire to toy with him. His heart was racing and he knew he was petrified. Pacing hadn't helped, snipping at Weasley had been half-hearted and completely unfulfilling and the deep breathes he was taking were making him feel sick.

He just wanted it all to be over, to be back in the common room and relaxing. He recognised that it was cowardly and tried to cast a discrete glance toward Harry. The Potter boy never backed away from a challenge, never showed fear or worried about the outcome. He wished he could be more like that, have blind faith that everything would work out in the end. Harry was seen as courageous and he didn't hesitate. Draco hated him for it, the ease that he could make a decision and the fearless way he threw himself at situations. But this wasn't about Potter, this was about settling his own nerves and facing the dragon.

He looked up and over the lake and watched the huge beast come back into view. She soared, cutting a path through the air and then landed heavily by the water's edge.

Almost immediately McGonagall was waving him over and he put a hand out to steady himself, feeling cool and toughened scales under his palm. Standing beside her, shrouded in her shadow he understood she was even bigger than he had imagined. He could see her body expand as she breathed and the muscles flexing under the scales as she settled into a more comfortable position. He could feel the power radiating from her body, coiled and quiet in that moment, but only needing the slightest reason and she would spring into action. He looked at her legs and wings with awed fear, knowing he would soon be putting his life on the line and having to trust the animal would return him safely.

He wasn't sure he trusted her, but he refused to look gutless before the rest of his class mates. With no more time to waste he found his standard smug grin and turned to the rest of the gathered students and catching a few eyes he bowed, earning a smattering of applause from the Slytherins. He would not let them know how anxious he was, he was a Malfoy and a pure blood, it was imperative they knew he was not afraid.

He hoped up onto the dragon's back and without hesitation she took off, he grasped her body tightly with his thighs and was forced to lock his arms round her neck. He found his face pressed by her ear and was struggling to bite back the scream he felt crawling up from his lurching stomach. He knew his breathing was ragged and she would hear it, but that was better than screaming like a girl. He had to hang on to a modicum of control, this would soon be over he kept repeating to himself. He shut his eyes and tried to unclench his arm and leg muscles that had locked solid in fear.

"Open your eyes Draco." He heard after a few beats of silence where the wind swept past his face and blew his hair all over the place.

He obeyed and saw they had travelled the whole length of the lake and were circling to land on the strip of shingled shore. His panic jumped exponentially and he felt a drop of sweat roll down his back and he was certain the animal below him could smell the fear pouring from him and he felt humiliated by it all. As they landed smoothly and his rubbery legs found the ground he pulled himself up straight and turned to see the woman shimmer back into view as she morphed again.

"Draco." Her voice was level and calm, and he didn't know what was happening. His heart was hammering in his chest and he suddenly wished they were still in the air. Being isolated and in a one to one situation with this woman was far worse.

Maleficent took in the pale features, the boy was sweating and she could see his eyes darting frantically. She felt just a touch of sympathy for him, he was still young and she had a feeling in her gut he wasn't beyond saving.

Draco's feet were melded to the floor, and as the witch advanced on him he felt cold fear grip him and a scream try and escape his throat. He pushed it down, he wouldn't show weakness like that.

He had his wand, certainly, but he knew this woman far out classed him in ability, he felt trapped and wondered if these were his last breathes.

She walked round him and breathed into his ear, and he jumped before taking a shaky step forward, needing to create space between them. He found it difficult to focus on the words over the pounding of his heart.

"Relax young man" she told him, but he was wound so tight.

"I don't want to hurt you" she continued.

He finally managed to pull air into his lungs and was embarrassed at the rough panting sound he heard coming from him.

"Draco, you have so much skill and the possibility of a bright, vibrant future ahead of you. I can taste the magic in your veins and the taste isn't bitter, it can still be sweet and beneficial. You don't have to use it for destruction or let others taint your views."

He stood stock still, his breathes were now shallow, he could hardly believe she was complimenting him. She was twisting him in knots, at first flirting, then being cruel, teasing him and then dropping sweet words in his ear and he was too overwhelmed to fathom what was happening. He just listened and prayed for it to be over soon.

The older woman spoke again, "I felt drawn to you, and I wouldn't feel that if you were the hard, aggressive and nasty persona you try to project."

She continued to speak slowly and gently, knowing the boy was scared but that she could get through to him while he was alone and struggling with his feelings. He hadn't managed to push her out or away because of his panic and he hadn't put up walls, blocking her or her message.

"I can sense your fear," and she felt his whole body go rigid so she quickly told him, "but being fearful isn't a bad quality, it doesn't make you soft. It is what you do with the fear, recognize it, respect it and then battle it. Rising above it and beating that fear, that is to be celebrated."

The dragon walked round him so she could face him, could watch his expression.

"I see you sneer at compassion and understanding but they aren't a weakness, it is the very fabric of what makes us human."

Draco still hadn't moved, he had his hands balled tightly into fists but at least he appeared to be breathing normally.

She shook her head at him, he was an attractive boy and she imagined he thought his confident swagger made him more so, but she saw his vulnerability in those moments they were alone and to her that was beautiful.

"You are about to become a man, but you still have the choice of what type of man that is. Be like your name sake, the dragon, be strong. Be true to yourself. That is all I ask."

Draco nodded mutely, he was surprised by the tone of her voice, reassuring and gentle. She hadn't tried to cast a spell on him or set him on fire. The whole encounter was not what he had expected and while far from relaxed, he gradually felt strength return to his legs as his fear reduced.

"The snide, derogatory comments you make only demean you, if everyone was the same the world would be so very boring. See the differences but don't judge someone for them. Being unique should be celebrated. Look at me, I don't fit any stereotype, but I am happy. Happier than you I'd wager."

He tried to drop his head and she stepped forward and raised his chin.

Maleficent looked at him closely and smiled softly. "You could be great Draco, but it will be hard. There are some difficult choices coming for all of us. Just remember to have faith in yourself, like I do. I wouldn't fly just anyone out here for a private chat."

"You have faith in me?" The boy queried with a slightly shaking voice but the ability to meet her eye.

"Yes." She answered immediately, her voice strong and confident.

"But why, you don't know me." He was confused, so very confused by it all.

"I feel a special bond with you, I was once a confused and torn teenager, all around me the world was changing and I didn't know who to trust. You remind me of that version of myself so long ago. I know it is easy to lash out and be angry but I have learnt the hard way life punishes us for not doing the right thing. The best advice I can give is to be true to yourself. I know life can be lonely and that is when it is easy to make bad choices, but you are stronger than that. Take my hand now and trust me."

"What do you want my hand for?" He stuttered.

"I am offering you my friendship. I want to shake your hand as an agreement." And she offered her hand. Draco found just enough confidence and clarity as he gently took it and shook it like a gentleman.

Within minutes the dragon was back and standing on the shoreline and Draco was on her back and heading to rejoin his classmates. He walked away and managed not to stumble when he was nudged in the back by the dragon and as he turned round it winked at him.

"Goodbye" he muttered to it, his head was spinning and he was in a daze, not even sure how he managed to put one foot in front of the other and get back to the common room.

He collapsed into a chair and waved away Crabbe and Goyle, he couldn't stomach their inane babbling right now. He felt drained, the cascade of emotions he had felt today had been intense. But somewhere deep inside him he felt his heart beat and a warmth spread, someone had faith in him and he wasn't worthless. He wasn't just the son of Lucius Malfoy, he was Draco, the dragon, his own man and independent. Now he had to make it count.


	6. A Big Visit

Last short, I hope you have enjoyed reading them.

TBH this one is more my thing, it is a Big Bang Theory cross over.

* * *

Sheldon sat quietly in his empty office. The familiar environment wasn't helping, he couldn't focus and was so very tired.

He jolted awake and took a deep breath, hoping the oxygen would revive his flagging brain cells. He glared at the blank white board and blew the hair aside that had drifted into his eyes when his head had fallen onto the desk.

He rubbed his eyes making him look like rather childlike, a look emphasised by his pout. He was miserable and hated being stuck with half a theory worked out. He hadn't even managed to work through enough of it to put some calculations on the board, it was all still in his head. He was worried this might be as far as he could follow the argument and would have to ask for help from Leonard or even Cripkey.

He shuddered at the idea and wondered briefly about ringing his mother. Maybe she would babble good naturedly about praying for him to find enlightenment, but at the very least he would like to hear a reassuring voice and she always knew what to say to make him feel better. She might even send a food parcel with some little hot dogs, and thinking about that made him smile.

It was short lived as he looked at the blank white board and he was reminded of his failure. He sleepily muttered his disappointment in himself and stood to get the kinks out of his spine. He shook his legs to get the cramps out of his muscles and glanced round the room. He saw the area where the hole that he had got his head stuck in used to be. He saw his periodic table hanging on the wall. He didn't see anything that gave him inspiration.

He was getting desperate and was prepared to leave for the evening and reached for the phone to tell Leonard to collect him but before he grasped the handset his eyes fell on his desk figurine of Frodo. The piece was small but managed to lift his spirits and give him hope.

The little hobbit had kept going despite huge perils and obstacles in his path. Sheldon felt a kinship with him, his life was filled with issues he needed to navigate round, no-one understood the burden his intelligence was to carry, much like the precious ring was to Frodo.

His most trusted friend was Leonard, much like Sam Wise had been in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Koothrappali and Wolowitz were almost like the cousins Pippin and Merry.

Yes he felt tied to the story, sharing common qualities with the hobbit hero. As his extended hand hovered over the phone and he then changed his mind and picked up Frodo he smiled. Like the Tolkien tale it would be alright in the end. He was strong and stubborn and would keep working on the math and chemical conundrum, despite slim odds of success he would take heart from the hobbit's tale.

"I'll find a way, much like you did my large footed friend."

"Ha!" Came a low rumble from the doorway. The noise carried tones of disbelief and incredulity that even Sheldon with his shallow grasp of human emotions heard.

"I am a genius and perfectly capable of figuring this problem out." He defended as he spun round to greet whoever was mocking him.

"Are you really?"

Sheldon heard the sarcasm, he often struggled with that too but his visitor made sure the words dripped with it so even with his sheltered interactions he knew she was scoffing at him.

"Yes I am." He told her with certainty, standing up straight. He immediately followed it up with, "Who are you?" As he found himself looking at a fat and rather unpleasant woman creature leaning heavily against the door frame into his office. Her lower half was a mass of tentacles and he wondered briefly whether it was a really realistic Halloween costume.

He looked at her, finding no flaw in the costume, but he could see glee in her eyes. They shone with mischief, much like his brother's had done when they were children and he would play "why are you hitting yourself" just before he landed a particularly hard blow. Sheldon hoped this woman wasn't planning to play games with him.

He found himself hoping she wouldn't stay in the doorway, he hoped she would pass by and leave him alone to his thoughts. He really hoped she didn't come in, he didn't much fancy having her in his space. Her skin was grey and her make up on her eyes and lips was garish. Her figure was swathed in tight, curve hugging material which Sheldon felt was completely inappropriate considering her weight issues. She seemed oblivious to his revulsion, in fact her stance and tone of voice indicated she seemed confident and didn't care about anyone else's opinion. Even his, a brilliant physicist.

"Don't you recognise me? I am Ursula." She informed him.

No look of recognition crossed Sheldon's features, he seemed completely unimpressed as he told the woman, "I've met Stan Lee, Brent Spinner and Stephen Hawking. Those were great events for me, I'm afraid this isn't."

"Did you never watch the little mermaid as a child?" The woman pressed. "Disney, dancing animals, animated musicals?"

"If it wasn't educational I didn't watch it. I watched Professor Proton, Star Trek, even Sesame Street, but nothing with you in it."

"Shame, might have helped shape you into a more rounded human being."

"I am well rounded!" He was outraged at this judging woman who had appeared from nowhere.

"Hhmmmm" she hummed at him, "No you aren't." The words were hard, definite, leaving him with the certain knowledge she didn't believe him. To further emphasis that she followed it up with, "in fact you sound all kinds of crazy to me."

The woman looked pointedly at the figurine in his hand.

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested." He spoke out indignantly. "And this is a collector's item." He cradled the Frodo figure in his hands.

"Is it really? Well it won't help you to find a solution."

"How do you know? And where did you come from? This is a security sealed building."

"I am a higher being and not shackled by things like security." Came the reply.

"Higher being? You think you are a god?" Sheldon thought his mother was crazy for her beliefs, but she was a nice lady who prayed for good things to happen to people. This woman had similar beliefs but Sheldon was well aware from their limit interactions that she had no-one else's interest at heart.

She was obviously deranged in a dangerous capacity, unlike his mother who he knew was just misguided. To add to that she thought she was a character in an animated movie. He felt just a bit of fear as he realized it was very late and he was probably in the building alone with her.

He listened closely as she told him, "Not a god, but I have a better understanding of the universe than you."

"Unlikely." Despite his fear, his reputation was well known and needed protecting. His response to her comment was to speak with confidence because his ego and arrogance refused to give in to this woman. Out of principle he had never given in to bully or allowed their hateful and untrue comments to deter him and she reminded him of a bully with her condescension.

"I can manipulate elements to a degree you would swear was magic." She informed him.

"Then maybe I should introduce you to my friend Howard, he is a magician too." The physicist told her.

"I do not do cheap parlour tricks. " She informed him, "I am far more powerful than that. And I can help you with this if you will allow me. Let me begin by telling you that you need to put that fictitious lump of plastic down for a start."

"Why?" He queried, looking at Frodo and running his thumb over the detailed paintwork.

"It is a distraction and a child's toy." Came the drawl from the doorway.

"I am not distracted." He argued.

"Then why are you stuck? Someone who is brilliant and has such a good grasp of the ways of the universe as you do." Again the mocking and he was really beginning to detest this woman.

In exasperation and the hope she would leave if he placated and humoured her he asked, "What would you suggest then?"

"You need to think outside the box, stop restraining yourself. You are still thinking about this in a flat and dimensionless way."

"I am not. I am using all 3 axis on the graphical model." He argued.

"Ah, but think about me, how am I here then? If there are only 3 axis and the Universe is only about height, depth and width."

"Time is the 4th axis but it isn't relevant in this hypothesis." Sheldon told her.

"You are still restricting your thinking." She told him, "There are far more mysteries, axis and dimensions than that. Pockets and bubbles where realms collide, time distorts and overlaps occur. Open your mind."

"That is foolishness." He told the woman, "I can't accept your reasoning without some kind of proof or a valid hypothesis based on known variables and you have given me neither. You are ignoring cause and effect, telling me things could be random mistakes without pattern. We have proven there is balance that exists in the universe, with predictable outcomes and structure. You are just spouting craziness and to believe your words goes against the very nature of the laws of physics."

"Then you will forever be stuck with your conundrum." She told him with a smug smile and devilish glint in her eye.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, until she sighed theatrically and threw up her hands.

"Fine, don't believe me or accept my help. Remain stuck until you are forced to ask Barry Cripkey to explain it to you." And she turned away from him and he heard her move off down the corridor her breathing laboured as she moved her hefty bulk.

"Why couldn't I get visited by Spock?" Sheldon moaned into his desk.

"Because Spock is busy in the distant future." He heard the remark thrown casually as she waddled away from him down the corridor.

He sat up straight, hardly believing that the large woman knew who Spock was. Maybe if she knew about Spock her suggestions carried more weight and merit. He shook his head, thoroughly confused by the whole exchange. He needed to go home, it was Thai food night and he knew that the routine would sooth his frayed nerves.

He was hungry, as he thought about the food his mouth watered and he licked his lips. Or at least he tried to, what actually happened was the movement caused him to jerk and he woke up in puddle of drool and realized he had slipped into sleep again. The light in his office was off and it was dark outside. Even the mockingbird that often frustrated him with its off key singing was silent and must have gone to bed.

He was grateful, the overweight woman must have been a figment of his stressed imagination, a dream. He picked up the phone and quickly rang up Leonard to come and get him, he needed to go home, odd and random dreams weren't like him and he definitely needed to get home and relax in his own room.

As he closed the door to his office, intending to head straight out to the car park to meet Leonard he stopped and stood stock still. There was a trail outside his office that looked like a large slug had crawled along the corridor. He looked at it and his brain struggled. Then he quickly move down the corridor in the opposite direction, telling himself it wasn't really there, it was just his over tired imagination and everything would be alright in the morning.

* * *

That's all folks.

Thanks for reading and your time.

To Cheryl, Happy Birthday, Valentine's and Anniversary in 2017.


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